This may be a little uptight of me, maybe nit-picky or even considered OCD, but there are things in a relationship that just get to me. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has this problem. Highly likely, everyone does, but I’m not a mind reader. This is my list of absolute NOs. All of them are specific instances from past relationships, but as general ideas they can be viewed as just no’s for many a couple.
I’m not a dog; don’t make that kissy noise at me.
All couples develop tells as to when they would like to share affection between them. It is usually some form of body language – you pull on his hand, or your eyes get big and glassy, etc. I’ve had those signs in every romantic relationship, but one was a serious problem. One guy I dated for about four months, and every time he wanted me to kiss him he would purse his lips into a duck face that would have made my sixteen year old myspace loving self proud, and make a kissy noise at me. The kind of noise everyone makes at a dog for kisses.
At first it wasn’t a problem, then it started to get to me so I brought it up to him. After a bit of a silly argument he agreed to use his words or other forms of body language to ask for affection. That lasted about a week. I brought it up a few more times, but after realizing it wasn’t going to change, I gave up.
My words of wisdom on this one: If your partner asks you to stop doing something because it makes him/her uncomfortable, you’ll heed the warning if you really care.
Just because I’m the one with the higher paying job does not mean that I should pay for everything.
It’s not about who pays; It’s the general concept of being demanding. Every one of my romantic relationships has been dominated by a demanding partner. Because I had a higher paying job, and was working many more hours than my most recent long term ex, he expected me to pay for most if not all things. I didn’t mind paying for the most part because I had the money to do it, but the fact that he just expected it and never offered up a thank you, got old.
The same kissy noise guy always assumed that because I had the car in the relationship he could make plans for us relying on my car without asking first. Again, I didn’t mind driving, but when he started telling me, not asking me to pick him up from work or campus to take him home before we began our weekend plans, I was pretty much done. At the first sign of someone demanding now, I’m the first one to say something, and if it isn’t amended with at least a thanks, I’m out.
Cut it out, I’m trying to sleep.
My first ever real boyfriend in high school ended up living with my family after standing up to his step father for hurting his mother which subsequently got him kicked out of his house. At first it was all hunky dory, but at some point things changed. I would try to go to bed earlier than he, because I was tired and was on a sports team during the day, and he wouldn’t let me. Not like he would ask me to stay up and watch a movie with him. No, he would make creepy noises in my ear just as I would doze off, or try to kiss me when he knew I wasn’t game. All he wanted was a rise out of me. Once I finally started crying, screamed at him, or went to sleep on the couch, he was done with his game and would get back to whatever silly teen boy thing he was doing. This one was his fault at first, but in the end I do blame, not myself either, but my naivety. If you are in a scary or controlling situation where someone is hindering your ability to feel comfortable in your own home or causing you physical or mental strife, men and women alike, seek help. You do not have to put up with it.
That was more of a rant than advice, but you can see how these seemingly small things really hurt me and my relationships. So please, take into consideration your partner’s feelings and try to change your actions or words if they are hurting him/her.