I never did grasp the entire concept of letting go. Timing the release of a perfect hug is difficult for me at times. Relinquishing control isn’t my problem, it’s the fear of not knowing that gets to me. According to the multiple self-help books and articles I’ve read, the minute we let go of the attachment to what we really want, it appears in our life. In order to better myself, I need to let go instead of searching to add something.
At the last wedding I attended, I had the privilege of being the maid of honor. My best friend of 22 years married the man of her dreams and I got to stand by her side as she recited her vows. The wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful and the bride looked more stunning than I could have ever imagined. It was one of the best weddings I’ve ever seen, and one of the reasons for this is because I caught the bouquet. I caught the fucking bouquet.
The bride and I joked about her throwing the bouquet to me from the moment she got engaged. Her husband was a fan of the idea as well. I attended the wedding alone, (well, my dad was there with his girlfriend, so he was kind of my date too), but honestly, one could say I haven’t had the best luck in love. Maybe I want it too much, or I could just never figure out when to let go of the bad ones or the desire to just have someone. Whatever the reason, I went dateless to another wedding.
Well, when it came time for the bouquet toss, my friend made sure I was on the dance floor taking advantage of my long reach. Too our dismay though, I ended up in the front of the crowd. I quickly realized our plan wouldn’t work because I was too close to her. Apparently we were on the same wavelength because she later told me she thought our plan was dead in the water.
We were under a lovely patio with beautiful geometric stars hanging from the high ceilings. Since the bride thought I couldn’t get the bouquet, she decided to squat and catapult the bouquet behind her head. She threw it so hard and so high that the bouquet would have landed in the lake if there wasn’t a roof over our heads. At that moment in time, I was absolutely certain I wasn’t getting the bouquet. I just let go of the idea.
Fate would have it that the bouquet hit one of the hanging stars and fell right into my arms. My friend and I couldn’t believe it. We ran into each other’s arms and embraced for what seemed to be the length of our friendship (I didn’t know the perfect timing for that hug either). Apparently, the stars really did align for me to catch my best friend’s bouquet.
What does this mean for letting go? Maybe catching the bouquet means nothing, or maybe it means everything. So this is me letting go of all my fears and the desire to know anything about everything. This is my hope to find what I’m looking for in the places I didn’t know existed; not just in love, but for everything and every idea that has walked into my mind. I’m letting go of the struggle of letting go. What I’m really doing is letting go to catch something better.