When it comes to your favorite musical artist, or I guess just any celebrity in general, there’s a fine line between being a fan and being a Stan. Between fandom and Standom, between fanaticism and Stan-aticism, between…you get the idea. In case you don’t know what a Stan is, I will kindly direct you to this Eminem song:
Um, so yeah. I am kind of a Stan for one music artist in particular. Although I’m not gonna tell you who it is so as to protect my integrity, I will point out the very real warning signs that you may have crossed the line from fan to Stan.
1. You Tweet at him/her every day, threatening to continue to tweet until you get a response or at least a favorite.
Probably not gonna happen, although in my experience the best way to get an artist to RT you is to a) compliment them on their music, b) make a funny joke/pun involving their stage name or album title, and/or c) blatantly express that you want to have their babies. Trust me, I’m almost a professional at getting rappers to RT me. Danny Brown follows me on Twitter now after strategy #3, so #getonmylevel.
2. You’ve had a dream about meeting him/her…every day this week
Granted everyone has a dream about kickin’ it and eating chicken parm with…uh, let’s go with Action Bronson? Yeah, Action Bronson…every once in a while (no? Just me then?) If you’re having these dreams every night it’s a sign that your subconscious is trying to tell you something, and that something is that you need to take one colossal chill pill. Thankfully now that we have xanax that is literally possible, but that’s for another article at another time. Anyway, now’s the time to take that album off repeat, or face constant mental anguish as you wake up every morning realizing you didn’t actually give
Chance–I mean, Bronsolino–an epic high five.
3. You went to his/her concert and in between every song shouted, “MARRY ME!” at the top of your lungs
Yeah, he definitely didn’t answer just because he’s “playing hard to get.”
4. When you found out he had to suddenly cancel his appearance at the music festival you were attending, you weren’t even mad
You were too busy being like, “Get better boo!” to be upset. Also you’d already seen him live twice in the past year so like…
5. You go around telling people you’re a Stan
C’mon bruh, get it together. That’s not a cute look. Don’t be that guy.
According to my scientific calculations, if 2 or more of the above apply to you, you’re officially that creepy obsessed fan. Maybe put on something other than Acid Rap and change your phone wallpaper and also rethink that tattoo before you do something you’ll regret, even if you think “I got the juice” would look great on your left shoulder blade…crap, I think I may have given it away. Oh well. Trust me, after you cross a certain threshold, you’re only a step away from writing them letters every day and jumping off a bridge once they don’t respond because who even writes letters anymore?
^^Don’t do this. Get another hobby. Or at the very least go check out someone else’s mixtape. (sidenote: Vic Mensa dropped a new track on Tuesday). Your friends, family, and Twitter feed will thank you.