Posted On September 4, 2014 By In Miscellaneous, Ramblings

Born on the 5th of July: Part 17



Record 17: Irvine, CA, Friday, July 5th, 2013. Day.

Hey what’s up. I’m Audrina. I’m hungover from last nite when I got really drukn at Mackey’s 4th of July party at his place in Dana Point and I’m still pretty fucked up. I madeout with no one, and I don’t really wanna talk about that much lol so I won’t. But I did meet this 1 guy, and that’s like the whole story I wanna go into or whatever but right now I think I might fucking puke again. Shit. Sorry. It’s just, I’ve got my bedroom trashcan (it’s from iKea and it’s clear and plastic and I put a trashbag in it) nextto me and I’ve like been throwing up into the trash can. the pukes all green and orange and brown and I’m just thinking all “what the fuck did I eat yesterday” and than I remembered I’d been eating fucking vegan bean burritos (yeah they fucking exist) and farting and than drinking vodka and some shitty knock-off energy drink and throwing up. But in the middle of all the throw up and farting I met this guy thats an entreprenuer. I know that sounds corny or whatever, but I dont know how else to describe him and I think I might throw up AGAIN. LOL WTF. hang on.

Ugh. Okay. So hes just a few years older then me (25) and he has these amazing cornrows that he did himself (right?!) and he was following me around the party and he kept offering me some fucking wax to smoke. I know thats like shady, but after a while he stopped. It wasn’t until I actually puked and then drank some Smartwater that I started thinking: “Damn, I really do wanna smoke.” So I went outside to the patio and he was almost totally passed out on this lawn chair and laughing at text messages or something on his phone. I ask him if he still had the wax and he said he did so we started smoking and he told me hes form the Valley in la. Now I know about the Valley. I’ve never been there, but I know that’s where pornstars are from and its extra hot and dudes just have like full time jobs at AMPM and smoke discount Camels. So yeah. It’s shitty. But here’s the thing though: this guy DOESN’T work at AMPM. He owns (yeah, OWNS) a startup business company and they make iPhone apps that basically act as trackers for your parents so you can know where they are at all times. So if your having a kickback at youre house and people are getting wasted, it’ll alert you when your parents are getting close to home so you can kick people out and clean up but hang on…

That was gross. The pukes just like a straight brown now. And it smells like fucking shit in here. I should really throw this out so my parents dont get pissed. I mean they know I’m in the living room being sick with a hangover and not taking Tylenol because I’m all about toughing it out, but I don’t wanna be a dick or anything. anyway. This guy, I think his name was Elon, was showing me how the app worked. He showed me a map of the gross Valley, and a little blinking red dot popped up and he said that dot was his parents. I was kind of amazed. And he smelled good like weed mixed with some musky cologne and I was getting stoned fast, so I asked if I could have his number. He gave it to me, but like he only entered his first name in my phone so now I’m fucked because I can’t find him anywhere on facebook. I don’t liek to text anyone before I’m friends with them on facebook, obviously. You gotta be safe. So I just tried to take my mind off it and I deactivated my eHarmony account because its seriously a sad place, eHarmony. I’ve only gone on one good date, but the guy was married, and I don’t date married guys. That’s just kind of a deal-breaker for me. Fuck…

My mouth tastes like what homeless people look like. Fucking disgusting. I need to brush my teeth. But I might puke more. UGH. whatever. Time for a little fb. Yeah. So. I open my fb and GUESS FUCKING WHAT. Elon friended me. His last name is Marpel. It’s a weird name, I know. But I think he’s got a future and he’s a pretty smart guy and he’s innovative and…

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Will is the Co-Founder and CEO of Taken Films. He holds an MFA in Film Production from USC's School of Cinematic Arts. He wrote a book that you haven't read. It's called 'My Blood Feet.'

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