Each year, music artists throw a few top-notch lyrics our way. Barenaked Ladies gave us, “Chickity China the Chinese chicken”, L.F.O. let us know that Chinese food makes them sick, and Will.I.Am told us to, “Tell a jealous chicken [he] don’t know what the beef is”.
Here are some of this year’s gems:
1. “I wanna f*ck you hard on the sink/ After that give you something to drink/ Step back can’t get spunk on the mink”
–Kanye West’s “Bound 2”
Good call, Kanye. Good call.
2. “And you mad cause I spoon, but I don’t give a fork/ Silverware a n*gga out if he actin’ a poor spork”
– Sage The Gemini’s “Gas Pedal”
Actually, this is an incredibly clever use of kitchen utensils, Sage The Gemini.
3. “I’d rather pop an Ollie, and my dick is a trolly”
– Future’s “Karate Chop” feat. Lil Wayne
Few people would dispute the idea that Lil Wayne is a lyrical genius. This particular line actually sounds a bit like something that rap master Jon Lajoie would write.
(If you don’t know who Jon Lajoie is, here you go. You’re welcome.)
4. “You wanna hug me/ Hey, hey, hey/ What rhymes with hug me?”
– Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines”
Alright, it had to be included. You know you’re famous when you can get away with writing lyrics like this.
…We were more interested in the half-naked women than the song lyrics anyway.
5. Every single line in “Don’t Drop That Thun Thun Thun”
. . . Just go look the lyrics up. I think this is one of those songs that just sucks so much, you have to listen to it twice.
Or 100 times.
6. “Feds still lurkin/ They see I’m still putting work in/ Cause somewhere in America/ Miley Cyrus is still twerkin/ Twerk, twerk (Miley, Miley)/ Twerk twerk/ Only in America”
–Jay Z’s “Somewhereinamerica”
Only in America, indeed.
7. “So come on get this Kid’s rock, baw with da baw, dang-dang/ Pow-p-p-p-pow, chica, pow, chica, wow-wow”
– Eminem’s “Berzerk”
The next track on the album is titled “Rap God”. Eminem raps about “attempting lyrical acrobatic stunts”…NAILED IT.
8. “I wanna have your baby/ Gotta have you like crazy/ And iron your shirts”
–Gerri Halliwell’s “Half of Me”
That doesn’t even rhyme, Gerri. But GOSH, you’re going to be such a good wife.
9. “I crashed my car into a bridge! I don’t care! I love it!”
–Icona Pop’s “I Love It”
Don’t pretend that you didn’t just picture a drunk white girl shouting this at some college party.
10. “I walk a mile in your shoes/ And now I’m a mile away/ And I’ve got your shoes”
– “Comeback Story” by Kings of Leon
Aaaaaand mind blown.
What a year it’s been.