My life is hard, okay? 1. I was starving but there was nothing in my fridge that I actually wanted to eat. 2. I really had to pee but was too lazy to get up. 3. Photoshop caused all the programs I was running to move too fucking slow. 4. They were doing construction for the 17 billionth time on the one road I take to work (seriously, at this point just let it be), making me at least 10 minutes later than I might have been otherwise. 5. The
Read MoreThis morning, I left my beautiful, intelligent, Android (we’re in a committed relationship) on the counter of a public restroom. Just five minutes later, when I panicked at the emptiness of my pockets, I Usain Bolted back, only to find my phone no longer there. COMMENCE PHYSICAL SPASMS OF TERROR, PROFUSE BACK SWEAT, AND INTERNAL WATERFALL OF TEARS. For the rest of the day, I was forced to go about my daily schedule while feeling completely disconnected from the rest of the world. At one point, I probably convinced myself
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