Posted On January 15, 2015 By In Lifestyle, Manzone

20 Excuses That Are Better Than You Doing Crossfit


1. It’s really hard, and you enjoy a more casual amount of exercise. Walking from the couch to the fridge, for example.
2. Those weird pull-ups thy do look dumb and probably don’t even work. I bet you can do 30 of them in a row already. Go ahead, try it.
3. Your ego would really take a hit getting put to shame by a ripped and gorgeous Crossfit girl, better not risk it.
4. You don’t want to lift weights and get bulky like a man, you prefer your current state of “bulkiness.”
5. You want to design your own workout and not be constrained to something that might make you recognize you’re not as fit as you think you are.
6. You don’t want to be one of those people who talks about Crossfit all the time, and you know you would be, because you can’t control yourself, just look at your diet.
7. It’s way easier to just go out and run right up until you feel uncomfortable than to actually set fitness goals, or follow through with them.
8. You think that “real women have curves” isn’t just ad copy for a Dove commercial.
9. Who needs being sore?
10. You’ll probably end up running that 5k in a couple of months right? Why jump the gun?
11. Creating a fitness habit sounds like it’ll only lead more work and possibly other healthy life changes, better to stay willfully ignorant.
12. Being in a class isn’t your thing, you prefer situations in which anonymity and lack of social accountability won’t bring up feelings of guilt when you possibly fail to meet your potential
13. You’ve got to lose that 20lbs first, BEFORE you go into the gym. Because logic.
14. Your fat friend already got a membership at 24 Hour Fitness.
15. It’s more expensive than a regular gym, and, let’s face it, your health just isn’t worth that much.
16. Didn’t you read once that sometimes Crossfitters get injured? Especially compared with people who never exercise ever.
17. You don’t want to be the best at exercise. Exactly the same reason you don’t watch TV, because you don’t want to be the best at being passive.
18. They don’t even have a sauna and a juice bar, and those are core gym functions to you.
19. If you get into amazing shape, you may end up having to deal with the frustration of a significant other in your life. Who needs that kind of love, affection, and annoyance?
20. Those healthy, good-looking people with all that extra energy and attitude seem like a cult, and you don’t want to be someone that looks like they’re enjoying life that much.

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Brendon Lemon is a comedian & writer from Detroit, Michigan. He started doing comedy at age 14 and was a featured comic in the 2008 documentary Be Funny. He's performed stand-up in seven countries on two continents. His interests include reading Baudrillard and Zizek while listening to The White Stripes. Follow his cracker ass at @BlkBnr on Twitter.