Posted On May 18, 2014 By In Advice For Men, Advice For Women, Manzone

The Art of Picking a Wedgie

 
 

Sometimes it’s the type of underwear or just the shape of your darling butt.  Other times it’s because of certain movements or a school bully.  Whatever the cause, most of us can agree that a wedgie is an uncomfortable and awkward secret lurking in our pants, and it needs to go away.  You have to pick it.  You can’t spend another second with your underwear swallowed by your ass.  Here are some tips for public excavation:

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1. Coat Pockets

These are ideal for frontal wedgies.  With your coat buttoned up, use your hand in your pocket to quietly adjust.  Very non-incriminating.  (Side note: Be careful because this trick is also used by public masturbators.  If you’re getting dirty looks, it means you’ve been caught, perv!)

Wedgie Picking Level of Experience: Expert

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2. Use a Friend

A good friend will stand behind you as you pick.  A best friend will pick it for you.

Wedgie Picking Level of Experience: Novice

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3. Use the Wall

Put baby in a corner just this once and when no one’s looking–dig!

Wedgie Picking Level of Experience: Novice

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4. Sitting

Either when you’re just about to get up or when you’re just about to sit down, sneak in a little adjusting.  This trick is difficult to maneuver.  You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to pick.  This opportunity comes once every time you sit.

Wedgie Picking Level of Experience: Expert

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5. Climbing Stairs

Sometimes all you need to dislodge those panties is some high knee action.  Find some stairs to climb or find an excuse for a demonstration of your best ninja skills.

Wedgie Picking Level of Experience: Intermediate

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6. Pick it Like You Just Don’t Care!

Announce, “I have a wedgie!” Pick it, and then carry on.  We all wear underwear…unless we don’t.

Wedgie Picking Level of Experience: Master

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Kelsey Darling is a writer for Writtalin. Kelsey recently-ish graduated with an unhelpful degree from Portland State University. After a brief venture to Utah to live amongst the Mormons, she is now the palest person living in San Diego. She has a deep passion for whales, prominent eyebrows, and silver foxes. She has never been cool and neither has her hair.

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