Posted On August 13, 2014 By In Miscellaneous, Ramblings

The Scott Brand Book: 30 Potential Taglines


A strange thing happened to me when I started working in marketing and advertising:

I started to look at everything within the context of marketing and advertising.

I wouldn’t say I’ve become obsessed with branding; it’s more like my eye for and appreciation of branding has bled from my work life into the rest of it, so that I can no longer discern the two.

For the layman: a brand is a name or other feature that makes one product distinct from its competition.

And a huge part of any successful brand (which is to say, a brand that sells itself to more potential buyers than its competition) is a witty tagline. A tagline is, ideally, a phrase that sums up the tone and premise of a product. Some of my favorite examples include: “I’m lovin’ it,” “Taste the rainbow,” and “Hungry? Why wait?”

Kind of makes you want to take a brief intermission from reading this to go out and snag a Big Mac, some Skittles, and a bag of mini-Snickers, right?

Well, I’ve begun a project where I brand myself, in hopes that I will become more desirable to potential consumers (e.g. women).

The following are my short list of 30 possibilities:

  1. I try harder.
  2. The ultimate banging machine.
  3. The boy your mother warned you about (if your mother warned you about wallflowers).
  4. Like an out-of-shape Tom Brady, sans butt-chin.
  5. Fights only for his right to party.
  6. The most Pinteresting man in the world.
  7. A cuddler like no other.
  8. Always hot n’ ready.
  9. Made of equal parts water, fear, and MSG.
  10. Always finishes first.
  11. Recently Tested. Clean as a whistle.
  12. You don’t want to get in bed without him.
  13. Holds his liquor. And your hand.
  14. The best cheercision.
  15. Here’s the beef.
  16. You’re in good hands with Scooter.
  17. Save up to 100% in heartache by going steady with Scott.
  18. Bangs great, less emotions.
  19. Will feel you up, but won’t ever let you down.
  20. The Un-Douchebag.
  21. The gluten-alternative.
  22. The other girthy meat.
  23. Think girth.
  24. I’m girthin’ it.
  25. Put a Scott in your tank.
  26. This choad’s for you.
  27. Nothing runs like a Scooter.
  28. Scooter puts you in the banger’s seat.
  29. Built really sensitive.
  30. Will almost definitely go to Jared.

Now that I have this short list, it’s time for me to begin selecting finalists for market testing. In the coming months, I’ll be soft-launching these taglines on various social media platforms and online dating venues. I’ll also be incorporating them into digital and print personal ads for myself.

I’ll be sure to update you on my progress, and the ultimate Scott Muska Tagline Winner, as soon as I name one.

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Scott Muska is a freelance copywriter and journalist who lives in Brooklyn. He thanks you for taking the time to read his stuff, and you can contact him at [email protected]. He Tweets and Instagrams @scottmuska.