Does Not Compute: 5 Things I Just Don’t Get

I consider myself to be relatively intelligent, but there are some products and trends that I completely do not understand.

1. Liquid Eye-Liner

Make up is complicated enough as it is. Now I have to go around and paint perfect lines with symmetric curves on my eyelids? You have got to be kidding me. I tell myself it can’t be done, but then I look around, and it’s definitely being done successfully. I’m now under the assumption that everyone has a live-in make up artist.

Expectation

Reality

2. Juicing

There are two types of people in this world: people who are obsessed with juicing and people who like to actually eat their food. I’ve been told my world will be forever changed if I give this trend a chance, but that’s never going to happen because I have no interest in drinking kale or anything else that belongs in a salad.

Count me out

3. Fireworks

Little rockets full of chemicals shoot into the sky and explode into colors. Witnessing fireworks outdoors usually involves crowds, loud noises, expensive snacks, and unsatisfactory weather. I’m going to let you in on a secret- fireworks are almost always better on t.v.

Not worth the bug bites

4. Neti Pots

No matter how stuffy my nose is, I will never pour salt water into my nostril from a teapot. People swear by this- it’s kind of a cult. I was once with a friend while he Neti-Potted, and he ended up throwing up all over the place. Horrible experience. No thanks.

Say no to booger tea pots

5. Denim Booty Shorts

Shorts are great because they allow legs to get some fresh air while still allowing the person wearing them to remain clothed. These trendy, microscopic denim shorts are leaving me to wonder what a denim wedgie actually feels like. I’m also curious about the process of peeling ass cheeks off of the seats on the subway- it’s hard enough to get the thighs off. How can these even be comfortable?

Ten bucks she has a cameltoe

Tags : America, buzzworthy, confusion, culture, eye liner, fashion, featured, Juicing, lifestyle, list, Miscellaneous, Rambling, Society, The Scene, trends