I’ll just come right out and say it: Georgia has the best drivers. Everyone likes to think their state has the best drivers but I’ll tell you, Georgia drivers are the best. From the way they never honk their horns at people trying to pull stupid and/or illegal moves, to the way that they never seem to have anywhere important to go, man I just love ’em. The only place with better drivers is LA, where they are aggressively stupid and try to commit vehicular manslaughter. Here’s some of my favorite moves Georgia drivers love to pull on the road:
1. While making a right turn at a green light, come to a full stop, but don’t use your turn signal
I love this one because what you’re telling me is that you want me to rear-end you! And we all know there’s nothing I love more than fucking up my front bumper and having my insurance premium go through the roof! Can you say par-tay?! (Can you also say my dad murdering me?!)
2. Making an inconvenient left
And effectively stop an entire road and create your very own personal traffic jam! It’s so much fun to sit behind you while you wait for traffic to stop in the other direction because you couldn’t find a less inconvenient method of turning left, or like find a turn lane. I would honk, but two wrongs don’t make a right–although three rights make a left. Unless I’m the one making the obnoxious left and if that’s the case, sorry guys, there’s only one entrance to my apartment complex, I’ll try to make this as quick as possible, please nobody honk at me.
3. Totally spacing out once the light turns green and not even moving until it turns yellow again
It’s totally cool, I was planning on sitting here for another 10 minute cycle of the lights anyway. Thanks for giving me a dirty look like I’m the asshole for honking to gently remind you to get your head out of your ass, though.
4. Rolling through an intersection at approximately .1 mph
I’m not saying that you need to go from 0 to 60 (although that’d be nice), but if we’re way past the intersection, why are you still pushing 15mph? Have you forgotten about that nifty thing called your gas pedal? No worries, I’ll show you how.
5. Making a left turn on red
I’ve personally witnessed this. Granted, it happened at night while not many people were around, but it sure does seem like a fun and quirky way to get pulled over and/or killed. Teehee!
6. Stepping on your brakes for no reason at all
There’s not a pedestrian crossing the road, there are no traffic lights in sight, we’re not even approaching a slight curve, but thanks for making sure I’m paying attention!
7. Waiting in the right turn only lane, then when the light turns green, zipping around everyone in the lane headed straight ahead
Wow! Thanks for cutting me off and almost fucking up my car/my body! I’m pretty sure there’s a special place in the afterlife reserved just for you, boo.
Although not technically “drivers,” it just wouldn’t have felt right to leave cyclists off this list. I just love bikers because I very much enjoy slowing down to an almost stop and then carefully driving around them while I look back to make sure I didn’t clip anybody (I never do; I don’t know why I continue to be paranoid). I have an extra, extra special place in my heart for cyclists who don’t use helmets, gotta love that YOLO attitude!
9. Switching lanes out of nowhere despite the fact that I’ve been right next to you this entire time
This especially happens during the winter; I have this theory that it’s because when it gets cold people’s brains just freeze and they forget to look where they’re driving, LOL! It’s cool, I don’t mind if you move over without checking your blind spot, or even directly next to you for cars, I totally love fender benders!
10. Pulling a 3-point turn on a two-way street in the middle of rush hour
No it’s chill everybody, just let it happen! It’s not like we have anywhere to be or proper driving habits to uphold or anything. It’s a free-for-all! Woooooo! NO PANTS!!!!!