The Six People You Meet in High School

1. The Dysfunctional Teenager

This person is the person who gets stoned before every big school event just to see how different it is compared to the times they went sober. Their mother is done raising them, and says things like, “I’m done! There’s nothing left for me to teach you!”

They’re probably into really artsy, expressive things, and are insanely talented. They dabble in any and all forms of art, and somehow still make it thoughtful and art show worthy. They know all the good music, the good concerts, the most culturally aware events to go to. They’re not above stealing salt shakers from Denny’s when you go to get breakfast with them. Hanging out with them is always a fun time, with some good memories and crazy good pictures because art is somehow innate to them. These people get stoned whenever they want because they don’t need to be sober to be better than you at everything. These are the people who become something in life based on sheer talent alone.

2. The Good One

The Good teenager is the one who talks you out of all your ridiculous ideas. Cutting class to get fried chicken? Not with this one– they’ll remind you that it’s only 8am and you have a test next period. Even though they’ll never want to do something crazy and reckless, that’s good, because you’ll have someone who can keep you grounded when finals come around and you’re cramming because you keep skipping class. And they’re so nice that they don’t mind helping you, thank God, so your grades don’t suffer from all that ditching you’re doing.

They’re the type of people who will share a Netflix account with you, and still try to pay you back the four dollars from their half of the bill. It’s four dollars, and they make sure you know what’s due when– don’t make them pay the four bucks. They’re the type of people that are the best friends in every book, show, and movie, and you better feel damn lucky to know them, because they are the best.

3. The Burnout

The burnout teenager has no prospects. Maybe they did, once upon a time, and maybe they still do, if you squint and tilt your head to the side, but there’s nothing for them. They’ve become weighed down, and seem heavy with all of the things life puts at their feet. Unlike the people who are channels of energy, whirlwinds of work and excitement, these people are simply vessels, empty shells walking what seems to be an emptier Earth. They hate school, they hate the teachers. They hate their moms, even though their moms are the type of moms who just let them stay home whenever they want.

These people will blame the carbon dioxide from other people’s breath before they ever start to think that their shitty grades are their own fault. These people will cut class to get fried chicken with you, and they’re probably already cutting anyway. Actually, they probably never even showed up to school.

4. The Sporty

When’s the last time this guy showed up to school without a protein filled lunch? When you go to the park on your open period, this guy is probably there playing basketball or working out with his other sports-obsessed friends. They travel in packs to compare the kind of muscle growth progress they want to achieve. While they don’t seem very fun, they can lift anyone in school, and fill out a suit better than anyone else, so they look mesmerizing in any and all school pictures. They’re allowed to travel to other schools to recruit students, because they’re the kind of people who are front and center for a reason.

5. The Religious

The religious student can go one of two ways– either their parents are the religious and they just have it as like a quiet part of their lives with no advertising, or they’re walking around with a Jehovah’s Witness button on their backpack and trying to hand informational leaflets to people in class.

While the first half of the religious students are extremely fun and loyal to hang out with, the second half is awkward to be around. No one knows what being their friend is like because no one is willing to risk befriending someone who will just start talking about and pushing for their religion. These people never seem to realize that there’s a time and place, and school isn’t it.

6. The Overly Scholastic

You don’t even need to see this kid to know them. You can smell the desperation when you enter the school. This person is taking at least three AP classes, and they never let you forget it. When you dare to complain about your measly honors, they say, “Wow, but in AP…” and make sure you know how hard their life is compared to yours. How dare you think your classes are hard, even though some honors teachers give more work, they’re in AP. No one has struggled as much as they have. Despite the constant need to be recognized, these attention seekers get three hours of sleep, max, and you should really feel sorry for them. Until, of course, they get into Yale with half of their tuition paid, and the attention is heaped upon them in spades, and your full ride to a state university is forgotten and ignored. Forgot your lack of debt, their 140k debt is much more interesting.

While these six people are definitely the very general overview of high school, there’s no accounting for the diversity of the subsets. And because everyone you meet changes and shapes your life doesn’t mean you shouldn’t become friends with them, just because the overly scholastic kid is annoying to the max. They’re good study buddies who are obsessed with getting fives on all their exams. The dysfunctional teenager knows all the good concerts to go to. The good one keeps you focused on what’s important. The burnout lets you have fun. The sporty one reminds you that everything you eat will weigh you down if you let it. The religious kids remind you that sometimes a higher power can help you pass that test. All of them make for a very interesting high school career, with good memories and even better friendships.

Tags : 2015, Funny, High School, Humor, life, lifestyle, Miscellaneous, People, ramblings, teenagers, teens