Posted On November 3, 2014 By In Dating For Men, Manzone

On “Playing Hard to Get”


Alright, men. I’m here to set the record straight; to tell you not to listen to everything you read on the Internet (well, you should listen to this article, but I digress…). I have seen far, far too many articles posted online advising men that the way to win a woman’s heart is to “play hard to get;” to be unavailable and enigmatic; to seem distant and disinterested. But I’m here to tell you that, quite frankly, a lot of that advice is total – for lack of a more tactful word – bullshit.

Now, playing hard to get can certainly work and can make women want you that much more. However, this strategy really only works if you’re looking for casual sex or short-term flings. Let me explain. By playing hard to get – ignoring a girl’s texts, never contacting her first, canceling dates, etc. – you give her the message that you’re in high-demand and unavailable. True, people have a strange desire to gravitate towards that which they can’t have or find challenging, and for a while, this strategy might indeed make you more exciting to a female. Unfortunately, there’s a relatively fine line between seeming unavailable and actually being unavailable. Accordingly, if a girl believes that you actually are unavailable, and possibly disinterested in her, she won’t hang around for long.

Let’s flip the situation around and put yourself in a girl’s stilettos…not literally, you get the point. Bear with me here. Say you meet a girl at a bar. She’s gorgeous, fun, and you guys hit it off. You make out and dance for a while. The time comes for you to go your separate ways, so you get her number and make loose plans to hang out during the week. A few days later, you shoot her a text – no response. You try again the next weekend – nothing. She finally texts you back a week later saying she’d still like to go on a date. Are you interested still? Probably not, because due to her lack of communication, chances are you’ve moved on and started pursuing someone else. Furthermore, you probably have it chalked up in your head that she’s “not that into it” and does this with different dudes every weekend. Your suspicions are probably accurate.

Men and women are really not that different. We both want to feel wanted, attractive, and valued. We all hate uncertainty – not knowing where we stand – whether in life, careers, relationships, or hookups. So drop the mind games. We’re not peacocks dancing our way through some desperate, colorful mating ritual. We’ve been blessed with the unique gifts of emotions and the verbal skills to express them. So use these talents appropriately.

If you’re just out for casual hookups and adding a few scratches into your bedpost, sure, disregard my message here. But if a girl is truly into you, and you want her to be into you, you do not need to play hard to get. Let things develop naturally. If you want to text her, text her. If you want to call her, call her. If you want to ask her on a date, ask her on a freaking date. Don’t hold back on your true emotions and desires for some arbitrary fear of coming across as easy or needy. Of course, this isn’t to say you should be blowing up the phone of some girl you just met 24/7. You do want to leave a little bit of mystery and intrigue to the imagination in the early stages of a relationship.

But the bottom line is this: if you meet a girl that you’re legitimately interested in for more than her female parts, act interested. If she’s interested too, she won’t think twice about the fact that you’re not “playing hard to get.”

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Ascher Robbins is the Founder, CEO, and Editor-In-Chief at Writtalin. He is a proud UCSB graduate and Vail, Colorado native. Ascher started Writtalin to get rich and famous, but so far, he is neither of those things. He is, however, a pretty alright dude. You can email Ascher at: [email protected]