Man, honestly, Obama has done so much good for this country that I think he should get another term! Just kidding, the truth is I know less about politics than I know about thermonuclear biochemistry, which I’m not even sure is an actual thing, to put that into perspective. I am just a distracted teenager who couldn’t care less about who actually runs the country. I’m too concerned about not failing my classes and making it home on Saturday nights, and besides, my voice isn’t being heard anyway. However, I know the elections and electoral campaigns will shortly be at the forefront of the media and so to stay on relative topic, I have come up with my own personal list of people I selected that I wish could make a presidential campaign run for 2016 and have a chance to guide us all to the Promised Land. My minor obsession has led me to see these people as one level higher than the rest of us and I feel we could all take a couple pages out of their books.
In recent years, Jay-Z has turned himself into the poster boy of winning; and I’m not only saying that because I wish he was my uncle but because it is true. It terms of making the right moves in front of the camera, he has not slipped up even once. He kept his cool when dealing with aggressive behavior from his sister-in-law, he responded to the media about rumors of his divorce through his craft, and he has signed a couple record breaking deals for athletes that he manages not to mention while being married to Beyonce who, it is alleged, apparently wakes up flawlessly amongst other boss like things. He is the perfect example of what can be achieved from nothing when you have a dream and an insane work ethic. He has my vote.
Ghostbusters… Lost in Translation… Caddyshack… Do I need to say anymore or will that be enough? Bill Murray has become the subtle face of everything that is bad ass about an older public figure that never stopped being fun for the sake of a more mature, appropriate reputation but he did it without ever needing to be ridiculous to make headlines. Unless the headline read “Bill Murray spotted leaving Charity Event with three younger women and he was dressed as a Clown” which I am pretty sure actually happened. With his scruffiness and quite lovable aura he would definitely steer the people in the direction they want to be steered. He has my vote.
If the technology to revive people, then clean them up and get them prepared, documents and all, to run a presidential campaign then I would say Steve Jobs would have to be one of the first considered candidates. A lot of people dislike him, and while I must admit this is one of the reasons I like him, it isn’t the only reason. I recently read his biography and he was arguably one of the most strong-willed characters, I tried taking a couple pages out of his book (not literally) and change my life; however I am currently still working on learning to make my bed BUT that’s not the point. Steve Jobs guided his company to one of the highest levels of prestige a company could achieve and I am sure he wouldn’t mind taking a shot at doing the same with a country. Not to mention, his absurd diets where he would go 79 days only eating pears; America does have an obesity problem right? He has my vote.
I just believe it will be impossible to stay mad at him. He may make countless errors, and be hard to take seriously but hey, at least he will always be able to make us smile. That’s pretty much the criteria anyway though, right? He has my vote.
Neither the recession nor the Great Depression came anywhere near close to the low-point that Britney sunk too in 2007. Just the thought of seeing that picture of her, full meltdown mode, crazy-eyed, shaving her hair completely off makes me shudder. We all thought she was a goner, never to be okay again; yet here she is. She’s flourished into something quite lovely and although that type of lunacy that we all witnessed seven years ago will never be forgotten, she pulled off a heroic comeback; the type to inspire a nation. Since we need budget cuts too she could sing at her own inauguration. She has my vote.
To those of you who are familiar with my posts, you already know that I regard Andre 3000 as one of the last remaining kings. To those of you who are unfamiliar with my posts and missing out on life… ANDRE 3000 IS MORE FIT TO RUN THE COUNTRY THAN THE LAST THREE PRESIDENTS COMBINED AND DON’T DEBATE ME. That being said, I really do believe he is an understated genius just awaiting the right platform and status to make his mark on society. His political campaign would be so smooth people would think it was a ’76 jazz musical. He has my vote.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
Mean Girls. 30 Rock. Parks and Recreation. They have my vote.
He has an ice-cream cone tattooed on his face. He got sent to jail. He has an ice-cream cone tattooed on his face. He has released music while being in jail. He has an ice-cream cone tattooed on his face. The list goes on and he has an ice-cream cone on his face. Okay, I know I keep bringing that up and that’s not because I’m high and keep getting stuck in a time loop but it’s because HE HAS AN ICE-CREAM CONE TATTOOED ON HIS FACE. This is clearly a sign of a man with some balls, who obviously does not give a f@%k. He has become an internet sensation for his views about life, has recently released a note from jail about how he is sober and wants to do better for his fans (this made me tear up), and gets the saluted by everyone in his line of work. I salute him too. He has my vote.
Not wanting to risk offending Mr. Freeman, I will keep this as brief as possible. Everybody knows that he is only fit for the role of god once the world turns to shit and we are on our own. But for what it’s worth, having him in the white house might do some good too. He is at least 150 years old and that’s a fact so you know he has the most experience and wisdom of any living person, naturally. You can hear it in his voice. Imagine what his speech would sound like. Imagine what his next movie would sound like.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson
If we ever have an encounter with an alien species, they would be way smarter than us and would probable enslave us or kidnap us or destroy us; unless we are saved by Neil. It has been rumored that he can speak to aliens and trees so I wouldn’t be surprised if he has some numbers on speed dial that he can call on the day the first real alien spaceships comes to jab a flag into earth. He can move chess pieces with his mind I am sure he would have no problem locating global terrorists and stopping foreign conflicts. He has my vote.
When you talk about sportsmanship you picture the face of Derek Jeter under a Yankees hat smiling ear to ear. One of the most spotless people in the spotlight and more so in a career so tainted with dark spots, he has become the epitome of what it means to be an all around athlete and spokesperson. And who can leave out his unbeatable line up of beautiful girlfriends? Not me. Derek Jeter is the people’s champ. He has my vote.
This is my full list of people I would find myself lining up to vote for. It may change soon if Lindsay Lohan decides to ever stop getting nose jobs and be a good person again, or if Amanda Bynes could stay out of trouble for six minutes but until then I am voting for these people. And I know I said ten but I lost count halfway through and they are too good to take out any so you are just going to have to deal with it I am sorry if you have OCD.
Tags : 2016 election, America, buzzworthy, Celebrities, featured, Funny, politics, presidential candidates, presidential election, Satire, The Scene
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