This Sunday, the New England Patriots and Atlanta Falcons will square off in Super Bowl LI, which is 51, not a Chinese last name. Assuming you’re like most Americans, I can guess two things: 1) You want the Patriots to lose more than you want either team to win, and 2) You’re going to be drinking heavily on Sunday – both because it’s the Super Bowl and because Donald Trump is burning our country to the ground. Drink up, kids. To get you ready for your Sunday debauchery for either
Read MoreI used to go on Yelp to help me decide where to go to eat or get takeout. I don’t really do that anymore. Why? Because despite the assertion that Yelp exists ostensibly for this purpose, I’ve found that it skews largely negative, at least where I live. I suppose this makes sense in some way. People are more likely to be moved to write a review of a restaurant if they’ve had a bad experience there. (People fucking LOVE bitching about stuff.) Otherwise they’re too busy stuffing their faces
Read MoreAs a former bartender, I find great pleasure in listing all the things you can do, as a customer, that really and truly leave us pulling our hair out. Some of you may be aware, some of you may have no idea; so, for future reference and for the sake of every bartender, everywhere, let me explain in more detail. Ordering one drink at a time: Now, we are not, nor have we ever claimed to have an impeccable memory that grants us our own page in the ‘Guinness
Read MoreI once took a quiz for a psychology class that was supposed to test how addictive your personality is. The results were basically like: “DO NOT TRY DRUGS YOU HAVE A SUPER ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY AND YOU WILL PROBABLY DIE.” I took that quiz long after I had already become hopelessly devoted to the beautiful bitter sweetness that is coffee. It’s pretty much been confirmed: I’m addicted. My family knows. My friends know. My acquaintances know. Complete strangers know. They accept it. In case you’re wondering about what life is like
Read MoreAs we all know, not much these days comes free. Far more things come incredibly expensive. And while the price tag on certain items can be reasonably justified, there exist innumerable products that are simply never worth the cash. The following six things are simply NOT worth ponying up lots of dough for, period. Some of them are quality products but can be replaced with much cheaper alternatives, some of them you have no reason to ever purchase. Just remember, kids: what you WANT and what you NEED are two
Read MoreHere are a few tips on how to keep your lady status intact when going out in public, under the influence… -Stop Getting White Girl Wasted: We all know this girl. She’s taking shot after shot, screaming and dancing around when her jam comes on, and trying to tell her more reasonable friends “I’M LIKE TOTALLYYY NOT THAT DRUNK BEEETCH!” We all have our drunken moments, I get that, but this will only be acceptable a handful of times before you are labeled a drunk mess. Pacing yourself is always
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