Gays are lucky. We don’t just get one BAE, we have numerous BAEs that together form our inner-BAE circle. We use them, in the best ways, to make our life complete and full of adventure, gossip, and wine.
1. Spontaneous BAE
This is the BAE you don’t make plans with weeks in advance. They’re the early morning text message saying, “Wanna do something today?” and you go because you know that when the two of you are together there is never a dull moment. They’re the getting lost in the middle of the woods in the dark during a thunder storm because you took too long appreciating nature, plunging through a waterfall in hopes there’s an opening on the other side, or driving down an unmarked road to see what lies at the end. Without them, you wouldn’t be in the shape you’re in today and also wouldn’t have really cool places to take your future dates to (when you know…boys want to go on dates with you).
2. YOLO BAE
When you’re just getting home at 7 a.m., this is the BAE that is by your side. They’re the ones waking you up because you passed out on a couch at the club (side note: if there’s a couch in a bar, you’re just asking me to nap on it), convincing you that more Fireball is always the answer (is that even a question?), reenacting “Rent” on the scaffolding of a building, and Santa Con-ing through a blizzard on the streets of NYC just so you can make it to the end. Without them, you wouldn’t have stories to tell your future kids about how cool Dad really was in college and “3 A.M.” by Matchbox Twenty wouldn’t be the anthem to all your late night adventures.
3. Zazu BAE
Zazu from “The Lion King” isn’t just a fictional character, he is the BAE prototype that tries to make you see both sides of every situation. They are the ones who play the “yes or no” game with you when they know you’re about to make a terrible decision. They’re the ones you don’t always tell what you’re really doing because you know they won’t like it, but they still let you come in like a wrecking ball at 2 a.m. and cuddle with them (against their will). They’re the ones who care for you so much that they don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you because they can’t imagine a life without you, and you can’t imagine a life without them. Without them you wouldn’t have someone to tell you that your scruff is always on point – but that doesn’t mean you should go try and hook up with the new freshman.
In the midst of the post-morning can’t-remember every detail but definitely remember hooking up with that guy with the mustache, this is the BAE you tell all your dirty little secrets to. They’re you’re cheerleader when it comes to wanting a guy and getting the guy. They tell you that life’s too short to simply fantasize about how his accent would sound saying your name and want you to spare no detail once you score.
You don’t tell your other BAEs about this because you don’t think they could handle all the details, but your D.L.S. BAE reads your text messages with one hand while their other hand is deep in a bag of popcorn wanting more. Without them you would probably think that sometimes you’re a little too slutty, because they always reassure you that you’re just young, hot, and doing you.
At the end of the night when all you want is Ellio’s Pizza and “Tangled”, this is the BAE who tucks you into bed. You don’t know how you lived all those years without them and you question if you actually have the same brain when you send each other the same texts at the same time. They’re the one who you cross things off your bucket list with, get matching Taylor Swift tattoos and always say “yes” to boxed wine and Disney Channel Original movies on a Saturday night. Your family always asks how they’re doing, and vice versa, and even sends them a Christmas card. Without them, you wouldn’t have your biggest fan who would listen to you play guitar until they fall asleep (and they do because you’re on their sleep playlist) and you wouldn’t have someone who loves you more than any boy ever will.