All posts by Allyson Darling

Instant gratification is exhausting.  We are a generation that can get what we desire immediately, we want what we want when we want it, and we can have it.  In a time like this, the word “patience” can be as foreign to us as the idea of mailing hand-written letters for communication purposes; both unnecessary and rather annoying. This instant gratification mentality can leave us in an uneasy state of quantity versus quality, and distracts us from a more meaningful existence full of things out of our control – aRead More

I am participating in a project which I do odd jobs to pay off my student loans and blog about them at Missoddjobs.com.  This is how I met Larry, an architect in San Francisco with a foot fetish, and more specifically, a tickling foot fetish.  I let him tickle my feet for one hour for $100.  That is approximately $1.67 per minute, for laughing on camera.  I can assure you there was nothing sexual about this odd job that involved my homely and humungous feet.  Larry did not have anRead More

Sometimes we need a little pick-me-up.  Spring is approaching, and with weddings and reunions on the calendar, we will be reunited with friends we haven’t seen in awhile because we are done hibernating and the sun is out.  You’re going to be asked about your profession, your love life, and if you’ve signed up for any half-marathons.  Panic can present itself when we are thrown into these events after a winter of eating Girl Scout cookies and Tinder dates (not eating the dates…you know what I mean).  Here are five simple stepsRead More

Your twenties are a decade to learn, grow, and make mistakes.  Below are the most important lessons 

I have learned so far.   1.  Despite how much they are jiggled in your face like a shake weight, transvestites with prosthetic breasts and penises, will not enjoy you grabbing their breasts for a picture, even if they are working at a transvestite restaurant.   2.  Check. Your. Oil. When the lever on your oil gauge moves back and forth from empty to full, your car, also known as Betty, has notRead More

With public transportation run-ins, Tinder, OKcupid, Grouper and nights out on the town, young adulthood boasts an impressive collection of resources to meet people, presenting us with options and people we may not have ever met otherwise, proving to be both a good and bad thing.  Below is a collection of men you just shouldn’t date under any circumstances.    1.  The Travel Titan What happens abroad should stay abroad.  Just because you realize a foreign-landed fling has moved to the same city as you, you do not need toRead More

Tinder can be a simple way to get attention, a date, or a hook-up in minutes.  There is something satisfying in being provided with a stack of people in your preferred mile and age radius while your besties are brunching with their beaus.  Yes, they may have shared bacon and mimosa-breath sex, but you have Tinder!  One can determine their attraction to another person with subtleties that can only be seen in photographs.   After a week plus some extra hours of Tindering, I have realized that there are some trendsRead More

1.  Mr.  Rogers                                                                                                                                                                  Yes, I do fancy a wholesome man in a cardigan like any other person, but envision the processes and melodies involved in getting intimate with a man who sings over buttoning his sweaters.  The action of sock removal in the heat of the moment would also be paired with a song to guide you through it.  This would occur for every clothing item removal and position change…any transition really.  Don’t engage in hanky-panky with Mr. Rogers unless you have seven hours. 2.  Read More

Valentine’s Day has just passed and let’s be honest – if you are single and weren’t thinking about dating after seeing 98.4% of your Instagram and Facebook feed featuring candles, flowers, kisses, bubble baths, and other niceties that make you want to simultaneously vomit and gouge your eyes out while chugging boxed wine, you probably are now.  Dating in your twenties can be complicated terrain to maneuver, as many of your friends are in serious relationships left over from college and others are on a weekly humping rotation with multipleRead More