Every girl wants to find their prince charming, but I must stay they are a rare breed these days. If you are lucky to catch a good one, good for you girl, hold on to him tight! But if you are currently seeing one of these guys, or out there looking for a mate, just consider what you are getting yourself into in the long run.
#1 – The Frat Bro
If you enjoy waking up in a house full of 20 guys, and smelling of cheap beer, then this is the guy for you. But for me, it doesn’t sound too fabulous. Yeah maybe you get to go to a formal and get that perfect opportunity to wear an old homecoming dress. But for the most part, it is having the frat house be the party palace, and dealing with drunken bros and sorority chicks, that for some reason actually like to be there. Bro tanks, Sperrys, and a lot of pastel are what you are going to be seeing. And maybe if you are lucky you will even get a clapping walk of shame from the brothers as you leave the frat house. No thanks.
#2 – The Mama’s Boy
This is the guy who depends on his mother for everything…which will just become your job when she isn’t around. Cooking, cleaning up after him, and doing laundry is the name of that game, and we already have to do that for ourselves. If you are trying to get your wifey training in, then maybe this is the guy for you. But these dudes are dependent on you taking care of them, and you probably won’t get much in return because you are the one babying him. And babies take a lot of work.
#3 – The Loner
We know that guy hanging at the bar by himself, just drinking alone, no buddies in sight…that’s who the loner is. Yeah, he might be mysterious and maybe even charming at first, but this is a dangerous dark alley to go down, because, A) If he is ACTUALLY leading you down a dark alley, you should probably run, and B) since it seems he has no friends or life outside of his own, that means all your life becomes his life. He doesn’t have friends for you guys to hang out with, so your friends will then have to put up with this weirdo. It’s just not a good situation for anyone.
#4 – The Party Animal
Of course it’s fun to be able to go out with your man and have a good time. But the party animal takes it to a whole new level. There just isn’t a time he isn’t getting fucked up on who knows what – whether alcohol, molly, or whatever else. No crime in having a good time is what I always say, but you can’t have a real relationship with someone who won’t remember most of the relationship in the first place. Being puked on and having to wake up wet because he peed the bed is never fun. You will do more taking care of him than he will of you.
#5 – The Juicehead
This guy can’t go a day without hitting the gym and will get crabby if he doesn’t get his protein shake. Being in good shape and taking care of himself is not the problem, the problem is when it is his main priority over you. He is so intense about his body that it makes you feel like shit after eating a cookie. Yeah, its cool he can pick you up and you don’t feel bad about it, but if you make him mad, you may find holes punched in your walls. You won’t like the Hulk when he’s angry. (A side note: steroids shrink your balls, friends).
#6 – The Guy with the Girlfriend
“I’m going to dump her so we can be together” is a common lie that comes out of this dude’s mouth. If he is already taken, he probably plans on staying taken and tricking you into thinking otherwise. And then you become the side chick…bummer. You shouldn’t date this guy because HE IS UNAVAILABLE – just ask his girlfriend, she will tell you. Also the fact that he is cheating on his girlfriend with you, means he’d do the same to you. You are just setting yourself up for failure on this one, just pass; it’s not worth the drama.
#7 – The Pretty Boy
If it takes a guy more time to get ready than you, there is something wrong here. Especially if he looks better than you to just go get groceries. You are the woman in the relationship; you are supposed to be the pretty one! The fake orange tan, gelled up hair, weird Ed Hardy t-shirt…that just doesn’t work for me. Him staring in the mirror inspecting every pore on his face for 15 minutes while you have to wait to pee until he is done… like come on. I honestly don’t know what some girls see in guys like that. If it doesn’t bother you, then cool, but as women, it is OUR deal to take 2 hours to get ready to hit the town, not your man’s.
#8 – The Man-Child
Peter Pan Syndrome: men who refuse to grow up and face real responsibilities. These men lack adult goals because facing the real world like the rest of us is just too much to handle. They are fun and silly of course, but they can’t handle a real relationship when they think their future stop is Never Never Land. Growing up and having to figure your shit out is scary, of course, but we all have to do it. But postponing it and pretending you are going to be 21 forever won’t help you in the long run, guys. A strain is put on the relationship as well, because if you are ready to be an adult and pass “go” and he isn’t, you have to decide to stay in the same place or keep moving. And you can’t let a man run your future.
#9 – The Obsessed/Possessive
This kind of boyfriend is just hazardous. He won’t let you sleep at your own place or have a girl’s night without him magically bumping into you at the same bar. He shows affection like crazy, which can be cute at times, but it’s mostly just smothering. Everyone needs space from time to time. If relationships don’t have a little personal time, you’ll probably end up killing each other. But this kind of guy NEVER wants to be without you, and if he isn’t with you, he is blowing up your phone with texts, calls, and emails at all times. He doesn’t want you to have a life other than him, and that is just unfair to do to yourself. Find a guy who shares your time and likes having his own as well.
#10 – The Dude Who Lives in His Parents’ Basement
He has lived at home his entire life, and didn’t leave for college, staying happily in his comfort zone. This guy goes along with the mama’s boy and the man-child: he doesn’t want to experience anything new or unknown…and frankly, that’s really fucking boring. If you like going out, seeing new things, meeting new people, and so forth, then this guy isn’t for you. BUT if you like sitting at home watching mindless TV all day every day, then go for it…but eventually you guys will have to leave the couch. Sunshine and fresh air are good for you; no one likes the boring couple that doesn’t see the light of day.