My New Year’s Resolutions VS. What I’ll Actually Achieve

It’s time to stop kidding ourselves.

Resolution #1: Lose weight

Actual outcome: Go to the gym a couple times a week but still eat like shit and drink like a frat boy on the weekends, resulting in maybe a pound lost and regained over the course of a month. Rinse, repeat.

Resolution #2: Cook for myself and stop eating pasta and salad every night like a scrub

Actual outcome: Maybe cook quinoa or lentils every once in a while. Continue to buy the Publix pre-made roasted chicken.

Resolution #3: Keep a budget

Actual outcome: Keep a detailed excel spreadsheet of all my expenses for half of the month and give up once I forget something, or once I go on a spending spree and don’t want to know how much I’ve spent.

Resolution #4: Get less drunk

Actual outcome: Maybe manage to successfully cut myself off at 1am when I go out, thereby avoiding an awful hangover the next day. Slip up and accidentally black out every couple of months. But since I blacked out on NYE I’m good for a few months, right??

Resolution #5: Write more

Actual outcome: Write more for a couple of weeks, or maybe even a month, until I get overwhelmed and/or forget.

Resolution #6: Shop less

Actual outcome: But I need this Tupac sweatshirt!!!

Resolution #7: Stop ordering so much sushi for lunch

Actual outcome: Okay, there are New Year’s Resolutions, and then there’s just trying to make the impossible happen.

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