Lists Tag

It is a sad time for us all. Winter has come, tears have been shed, and a week ago, Season 5 of Game of Thrones came to a (tragic; for many reasons) end. If you’re an obsessive Thrones watcher like I am, you might be staring into the bleak landscape of another 9 months without television’s best show. If you’re a sports fan like I am, this is only made more intolerable by the fact that most major sports are in the offseason. But worry not, friends. There is hope forRead More

Work sucks. I think I’ve mentioned this at least six times before, but it just really sucks. As part of my intense dislike for the job, I’ve decided to dish the beans and spill the dirt on the secrets I’ve learned– and used myself– since starting my minimum wage job. 1. Sometimes when we say the coffee’s fresh, and we say, “There’s a fresh pot in the back” it just means we’re going to microwave the coffee. It’s probably one of the most common lies we tell. There are peopleRead More

It’s time to stop kidding ourselves.   Resolution #1: Lose weight Actual outcome: Go to the gym a couple times a week but still eat like shit and drink like a frat boy on the weekends, resulting in maybe a pound lost and regained over the course of a month. Rinse, repeat.   Resolution #2: Cook for myself and stop eating pasta and salad every night like a scrub Actual outcome: Maybe cook quinoa or lentils every once in a while. Continue to buy the Publix pre-made roasted chicken.   Resolution #3: Keep a budgetRead More

As the year ends, it’s time that we take stock of everything that has happened in the last 365 days and make sense of it all. Like any other year, 2014 was a time of highs and lows, ups and downs, the good and the bad. But ain’t nobody got time to focus on the bad stuff, so let’s take a look back on the BEST things we’ll remember from 2014. Here are my picks for the best of 2014.   Best Movie of 2014: Gone Girl I most certainly didRead More

I am a guy who likes to watch porn every once in a while. And my neighbor has a pretty solid wireless network, so I’m able to enjoy near-limitless streaming of all my favorite videos. Sometimes I’m so enraptured by the technology and the fact that I can watch porn until the cows come home that I end up watching vaguely shameful things until the sun rises, because I live in a city where there are no cows, and as such am unable to discern when they even start theirRead More

With every year you get older, don’t you miss the magic of Halloween just a little bit more? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love partying as much as the next guy, and Halloween is one of my favorite holidays to get a little bit weird. But you know what I mean. When you’re young, Halloween is exciting for many other reasons. When you’re young and naive and have no fucking idea how the world works, Halloween is a legitimately magical holiday. The spooky stuff – ghosts and monstersRead More

A few weeks ago I wrote an article on the prevalence of lists in current internet news media. News, (popular culture aside), it seems, has begun to appear more accessible to readers in this particular format. Why is that? I conducted a brief study, emailing folks a link to two articles discussing marriage in the 21st century. One article was presented in list-form. The other was not. I asked them to tell me which article they’d rather read. The result? 70% of people preferred the article in list-form. When askedRead More

Maybe you think you’re helping, but the thing is, we’re all becoming awesome individuals according to our own standards, desires, beliefs, and values. So these lists — Things That You Should Know lists, regardless of which gender it’s directed at — have to stop.  I’m far from being a Helen of Troy, but I’ve never sat at home and scratched my head (or balls), wondering what I needed to change in order to be more attractive to others.  I guess it’s cute that people are trying to help, and IRead More

I’m turning 27 soon. I wouldn’t say that qualifies me as old, but just like anyone else, I am definitely getting older. And I’m starting to feel it. There are signs I encounter almost daily. Here are some of the signs I’ve experienced or witnessed that indicate you are getting older and/or maturing:   You look back on the not-so-distant past, like when you were in late high school or college, and wish that you could travel back in time, slap yourself in the face, and scream “STOP BEING SUCH ARead More

Television has a way of getting to us. After season upon season spent investing time, energy, and emotion into the development and nuances of the characters in a given series, we often connect to TV characters in a way that we do not to fictional people in other forms of media. Watching heartbreaking things happen to characters you have come to know intimately often feels personal and devastating. Here are my picks for the ten saddest moments in television history. Oh yeah…and SPOILER ALERT!!!!!, obviously.   #10: The Fresh Prince ofRead More

Oh boy. I could make this list about 3,000 people long, but I doubt you’d want to read it any more than I want to write it. So instead, we’ll focus on the absolute worst of the worst; here are the 5 celebrities that I utterly, completely hate. (And yes, Plain White Tees, I am aware that hate is a strong word…but I mean it).   #5 – Blake Shelton I don’t know why, really. Maybe it’s his utter lack of talent, or maybe it’s because he hosts the freaking Voice. MostlyRead More

There’s a lot of bad music out there. Granted, people have different tastes and one man’s trash may be another’s treasure. But some songs are such complete and utter shit, such poorly-written nonsense, that most of humanity has come to accept their utter suckitude. I give you ten of the worst songs to ever (dis)grace the airwaves.   #10: “Friday” by Rebecca Black Awww, poor Becca. She was only a 13-year old, naive girl when the High Priest of Shit Music, producer Patrice Wilson (who will make another appearance onRead More

1) Couch Pizza has become your primary form of sustenance. 2) Netflix sent you a “cease and desist” order. 3) Your cable bill is more expensive than your rent. 4) You follow the entire cast and crew of your favorite show on Twitter, including the 4th Assistant Associate Production Assistant’s Assistant. 5) Frank Underwood has become a close personal friend of yours. 6) You’re amazed that your friends andfamily don’t believe in the global conspiracy that the world is being run by a secret society of evil midgets from space.Read More

A singer-songwriter known for her cinematic sounds, Lana Del Rey never fails at amazing me. I am the only one of my friends and family who truly loves her and listens to her religiously. I have my reasons:   1. She is so vintage – it’s cool, trust me.   2. Her words are like poetry and they speak truth.   3. Her inspirations are Elvis, Bruce Springsteen, Eminem, Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears and more.   4. She is weird. Weird is fun.   5. She’s from New York (I’mRead More

-The window seat thief – This not so stealth individual will typically pretend to be sleeping, or reading, or have their headphones in, basically anything to keep them from making eye contact. OR, they keep guiltily looking up to see if anyone realizes. Either way, they’ll always play dumb and keep squinting at their boarding pass as if they’re reading some kind of encrypted text, because they’d rather look clueless than admit they’re actually just an asshole. I’m sure some of you readers are thinking maybe the alleged thief reallyRead More