While good-intentioned, the article 3Things You Never Say to a Lady is actually in itself, if not male bafoonery, then an example of a communication breakdown. Good for you for realizing the idiocy of some of your male peers, but if you want to treat women right then you might need to re-evaluate the reasons behind your behaviors. Don’t change the subject about weight in order to avoid saying something you’ll regret, or passively agree for the sake of keeping the peace, or offer to pay simply because you are a man. Instead, take my advice for some alternative ways to stand apart from bafoons. Here is what I would rather hear, as a lady:
1. You are beautiful
If I am asking your opinion about my outfit choice or body weight, it’ probably because I’m feeling insecure, I value your opinion, and I trust you. So be honest. Tell me I’m lovely because you believe it. And if you don’t believe it then break up with me so I can be with someone who does!
2. Let’s agree to disagree
I appreciate different opinions because it shows that we have different minds and ways of thinking. I appreciate people who can hold their own in an argument. Even if we disagree, I can respect your argument if you back it up with logic and evidence. One of my favorite quotes is by Aristotle, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
3. Do you want to split it?
Personally, I despise chivalry as the idea that a man is showing “respect” for a woman by doing things for her, without invitation. I do, however, welcome chivalry as a gender-neutral platform to show kindness to everyone. That’s why when the waiter gives the check to my date, it bothers me. Can we get rid of the expectation that the man will pay for the date? Splitting the bill seems like the best way to go. That being said, you can always just ask your date in a suave manner while hinting at a second date: “How should we pay? Do you want to split it? Or I can get it this time and you pick it up next time?”
There it is, from a somewhat unladylike lady. If you’re going to talk to me, please do it this way because you actually respect me, not just because you want me to think you do.