Have you ever had your significant other forget something you told him or her that you found to be very important? Did it make your blood boil and a pulse begin in your temples? Well, it’s happened to me, and I’m sure I’m not alone. The difference is that I have finally realized that just like memorizing stupid BS for tests like the ACT and SAT, remembering every little insignificant detail of someone’s life will prove boring and the information will be gone as soon as it is no longer necessary. In most cases that is almost immediately.
So then what are we getting out of sharing personal details and stories of our childhood? The best answer I’ve got: More than you think. Like most classes in school, the information that remains when all the tests are taken is the kind that can be applied to different tasks or situations, not useless trivia. What we are gaining from these sometimes meaningless conversations is a deeper understanding of the person.
Seems simple, no? For all those girls I hear screaming about how her beau forgot their 6 monthiversary I guess it isn’t.
There are some details that are extremely important and although tedious, should be remembered at all cost. Those top five are:
1. Parents’ names
2. Bffer’s name
3. Allergies (this could really be life threatening)
4. Favorite flowers, candies, etc. (so when you are in the doghouse or just want to be nice)
5. Worst fears
These are the five that I find the most important for keeping any romantic relationship afloat. The first four are pretty simple, but that last one might seem a little odd. Fears are something that are supposed to be forgotten in a relationship, whether it be a fear of cheating or an irrational fear of gummy worms. When trust is there, infidelity should never be a fear, but fears are very very real and sometimes debilitating.
Something that most people don’t know about me is that I have an extreme fear of asphyxiation. One of the only people I had ever told was my high school and college sweetheart. He became my knight in shining armor when a friend covered my mouth and nose, and I almost passed out from fright. He kindly asked him to stop when I was so unable. He took authority and no questions were asked. Something this simple in anyone’s eyes, based around fear, is a key to keeping a relationship moving. It proves that you have respect for the fear however silly and will be there to fight it off. One of the most important aspects of a romantic relationship is feeling safe in his or her care. Remembering this one simple thing and acting on it if necessary will prove real love to your significant other.
Instead of becoming walking encyclopedias about these people, what we should be doing is analyzing this information for how it pertains to us. It may seem a bit selfish, but it is more or less just realistic. We like to be around others because they add to our lives and in turn, we add to theirs. Hearing a story from your boyf about how how he stood up to a man yelling at his wife this one time is a great sign. Not only does it show that he respects women but that he is willing to stand up for what he knows is right. Those two things are what needs to be remembered from this situation not the time, date, make and model of the other dudes car.
On the other hand, hearing a story about how he ran his ferret over with his tricycle, on purpose, when he was four may be a bad sign. Most serial killers started out by hurting animals in their childhood. This is a fact. You can look it up.
When it comes to communication it is all about reading the signs and hearing what they are really saying, not just the words spoken. Some people need to cool it when it comes to regurgitation of specific details. If that is what you are looking for, date someone with a photographic memory and no people skills, because that is honestly what you are asking for, or a robot.
Here is my list of what need not be remembered:
1. The name of his first goldfish
2. The exact date you met (if you do remember, good for you)
3. The laundry detergent she uses (it is okay to ask things multiple times)
4. Where she went to summer camp in 6th grade
5. Favorite childhood toys
Obviously this list could go on for ages, and those are not a top five, just an example list of things that do not matter.
The last thing that needs to be mentioned is asking questions. This used to annoy me until I realized how important it is. Hearing the same question multiple times does not mean that you are not cared for, but there are other more important issues in life than how many sugars you put in your coffee.