Posted On June 24, 2015 By In Advice For Women, Girlzone, Lifestyle, Rants

The Five Things People Will Say to You When You Cut Off All Your Hair


Recently, I cut off my medium length blonde hair to an overgrown pixie. It’s short enough where hair ties mean nothing to me anymore, but long enough where you can’t quite see my skull yet.

This wasn’t some radical act I did in light of a breakup or in protest for veganism, gender identity, or Bernie Sanders, or anything.

I just didn’t like my hair.

And it turned out great! It’s the shortest I’ve ever had it and I absolutely love it. It’s fun to wake up every morning and play with it and let me tell you…head scratches…are an entirely new experience!

The one downfall to cutting my hair is the strange insults I’ve received masked as naïve comments. (If you really don’t like someone’s hair, the best thing to do is just lie. A simple, “you look great!” would definitely suffice.)

So here is a small list I have compiled from my own experiences and the experiences of my fellow shorthaired freaks of nature.

1. Do YOU like it?

No, I actually hate it, but I left my paper bag at home, so this is all I’ve got, unfortunately.


2. Did you want it to look like that?

No, but my stylist (who is already, incidentally enough, suffering from terrible tremors) just lost both of her arms in a freak hair-cutting accident, so she was forced to work with her feet.


3. You are so brave. I could NEVER do that.

Yes, yes I am. I’m actually short-listed for the next Nobel Peace, Freedom, Bravery, and overall, just being a Badass Prize. They were going to give it to that one girl who took a bullet while saving her entire impoverished class who had to walk five miles over a bed of rusted nails just to learn how to divide fractions that day, but then they heard I cut off half a foot of hair and they quickly changed their tune.


4. Guess you’ll always have to remember to put your makeup on in the morning.

Yes, wouldn’t want to scare the impoverished students with rusted nails in their feet with my haggard face that I can’t even cover up with the dead follicles sprouting from my head. Pass me the Maybelline before it’s too late!


5. Oh…but what does your boyfriend think?

He hates it because now he realizes he’s been attracted to men this whole time.


I don’t expect everyone to love my hair, just as much as I don’t expect all of them to love my clothes or tattoos or questionable reality television choices, but that’s okay! Because we are all different and it’s wonderful and beautiful. So instead of putting each other down in sly backward compliments or overthinking what we should say in light of drastic changes, let’s just say, “You look great!”

Because you do.

(And I sure as hell know I do.)

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Kelli Johnson is an aspiring writer and the current (self-proclaimed) most kickass substitute teacher of all time. Her obsessions include coffeehouse chatter, Radiohead on rainy days (aka Rainiohead), and coming up with alternative tag lines for the Real Housewives. When she's not molding young minds or crying over her student loans, she can be found watching Golden Girls reruns or frolicking with her sweet tortoise named Spartacus.