Knowing that I would be undergoing rotator cuff surgery was frightening enough, but having to worry about what to do during my time off was a stress I did not expect. I was a little nervous and apprehensive, thinking of friends and colleagues of mine who complained of post-surgical blues when they had to take their own medical leave. This is in part due to normalizing a life of going at 100 mph (including holding a full-time job, attending to a family, countless other activities and obligations), and then abruptly slowing down
Read MoreMay 5: Labels This isn’t a terribly original idea, I ‘m afraid, but recent circumstances have caused me to realize how exceptionally convenient it would be if males came with labels. By labels, I specifically and exactly mean a small stamp on the back of their furry little necks, or measly muscled calves, that summarized, in one word or phrase, the most critical information regarding their personality and/or damaging characteristics (physical and non) to any glimpse of a relationship. For example, if one of these males was staggeringly, emotionally unavailable in that dating him was like dating a scarecrow,
Read MoreIn the age of virtual reality, it’s never been easier to avoid actual reality. It’s acceptable now to send digital messages over speaking face-to-face, to surf your phone while out on a date, and to wear earphones in both ears while driving (this one bothers me the most for some reason). But there’s a centuries old practice which still remains the most effective way to produce and cultivate relationships. Going out for beers. It’s simple, yet often overlooked. Having beers is a social convention that dissolves all differences and brings
Read MoreWhen we were younger, we wanted to be older. Now that we’re older, we want to be younger, or at least still in college because that was a collection of years that will not count when we reach the pearly whites. But let’s face it, we have to adult, even when it feels like it just too much. Here’s a little guide to help you through the hard parts or the times that you just can’t… Breathe Breathe in. Breathe out. Take in this moment for what it is and
Read MoreValentine’s Day may be a day filled with romance, but that shouldn’t limit your choice of movie. If you’re gonna shell out for an extravagant dinner, why not go the extra mile to find a movie that you and your boo can call your own. Think Marshall and Lily from How I Met Your Mother. Their Valentine’s Day movie was Predator. Literally everyone and their mother will be watching Dirty Dancing or The Notebook. In case you aren’t seeing Deadpool this weekend, here are 14 guilty and not-so-guilty pleasures you
Read MoreI’ve been here before; it’s an old familiar corner, an imaginary coalition — The Sad Girls Club. It exists solely for the sads that sprout from nothing. Pounding hearts, jaws that clench, minds barren of rational thought and practicality, as one cries as hard as the shower water comes down and tries to get it together enough to shave an armpit (or two). This exists in me and in the small veins in my temple, and the large veins in my opposite elbows, and it holds a weight that I
Read MoreFrom your resident college student, here are five things you absolutely should not do while attending college. I mean, you can do them, but people will not like you and will probably write mean things about you on Yik Yak. 1. Introduce yourself to the professor in a 300-student lecture I know it’s like the new “thing” – introducing yourself to the professor increases the chances of them giving you extra credit or letting an absence slip by – but please, for the love of all that is good and holy, do
Read MoreCollege has forever been pushed as perhaps the greatest time in life, but does anyone ever mention the drawbacks? Well, besides the pretty much unimaginable cost, which is touted as one of the biggest drawbacks to anything ever, but doesn’t actually feel real to anyone. For example, I currently owe $8,032 to my university. Having never seen more than five hundred dollars at once, this number feels obnoxiously big and like it could be way, way, smaller. But wait, there’s more… 1. There’s walking. Like a lot. Can someone please explain
Read MoreI am fortunate enough to have grown up in a household that never made me question the food I put in my mouth, the shape of my body, the number on the scale, or the size of my pants. I’ve never counted calories, I’ve steered clear of scales, and I’ve worn the same size since I was a sophomore in high school. I’ve managed to live my life as a confident, mildly chubby person with a relatively athletic lifestyle and close to zero body shame. What’s even more curious is the recognition that the
Read MoreIt’s a little known fact that when I was graduating high school, I was also getting my PhD in life. So here it is, for your viewing pleasure– what your (leg) shaving style says about you! Standing, one leg propped on the shelf First of all, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you want to slip on the wet tile and fall and HACK YOUR LEG TO SHREDS? What if you slice open a vein while you’re trying to get that Gilette-promised close shave? You probably also
Read MoreRecently, I cut off my medium length blonde hair to an overgrown pixie. It’s short enough where hair ties mean nothing to me anymore, but long enough where you can’t quite see my skull yet. This wasn’t some radical act I did in light of a breakup or in protest for veganism, gender identity, or Bernie Sanders, or anything. I just didn’t like my hair. And it turned out great! It’s the shortest I’ve ever had it and I absolutely love it. It’s fun to wake up every morning and
Read MorePeople are people are people. They say things they don’t mean, they write “heartfelt” expressions of affection they don’t ever want you to fulfill, but they always, always, blame you when the expressions of affection are fulfilled, and it usually just leads to sad people everywhere and annoyed people in between. People are people are people, but why do the rest of us have to pay for the insensitivities of most? You know someone like this. These insensitive people show their faces around the end of things. They’ve been on
Read MoreIt’s that time of year again– the time when department stores start jacking up prices only to mark them down– “SIXTY FIVE PERCENT OFF THE WHOLE STORE”– the time when parents start laying down rules probably never heard of in the house, and it’s the time when salons start having special prices that are higher than their fanciest styles before. It’s prom season. Ahh, prom season. The season when tensions run high, the prices run even higher, and every single girl is waiting for that special night. But the special
Read MoreA gig, a joint, a position, a role, a racket, a profession, a grind, they’re all still a job. Employment. If you’re a creative type, living in the rust belt, or were as foolish as our staff and majored in liberal arts, you’ve probably found yourself unemployed or scrambling from project to project in this post-career employment economy. At some point you’ll have to make ends meet and this will mean one thing: working for someone else. And if your only skills take place outside of cyberspace, or you speak
Read MoreI close my eyes and images appear in my mind. They’re ones I haven’t conjured up. They’re immediate and ugly and ferocious — a dismembered arm, a spider crawling outwards from an eye with its silky, black legs, and a red hourglass on its belly. I can’t sleep. Sometimes I wish I was a hamster. Hamsters are nocturnal, after all, and this sleeplessness at night would then be acceptable. I take a deep breath. (The kind that cracks your spine in a few places at once, but doesn’t calm you
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