Five Things They Don’t Tell You About College

College has forever been pushed as perhaps the greatest time in life, but does anyone ever mention the drawbacks? Well, besides the pretty much unimaginable cost, which is touted as one of the biggest drawbacks to anything ever, but doesn’t actually feel real to anyone. For example, I currently owe $8,032 to my university. Having never seen more than five hundred dollars at once, this number feels obnoxiously big and like it could be way, way, smaller. But wait, there’s more…

1. There’s walking. Like a lot.

Can someone please explain why, when everyone is reminiscing and dreaming about the days they could organize their classes and stay out super late, no one ever fucking mentions how long it takes to walk to these things? Sure, there’s a shuttle, but it doesn’t run late at night. Why couldn’t anyone tell me that I would need to invest in some serious athletic running shoes because ninety percent of my time would be spent walking. In fact, I’m pretty sure the tuition is just going to fund some really nice supportive shoes for walking. Thanks, College!

2. The upperclassmen are friendly

I’ve heard so many horror stories of how sophomores, juniors and seniors like to mess with freshman and send them to the other side of the campus when they can’t find their classes, but that is definitely not the common side. Ask for directions. Ask that girl in the super cute sport clothing to show you how to work the Stairmaster; she knows how and she won’t bite. And she’ll probably offer you her extra water bottle too. 

3. The food isn’t that bad

In addition to upperclassmen hell, there’s edible hell. It’s called the dining commons. The cafeteria. The cafe. Call it what you will, it’s full of “good” food and questionable consequences. In my dining hall, it’s pretty widely known that eating the food will give you the shits. Honest to god, when I first ate/commented on the food, someone turned to me and said, “it’s going to give you the shits.” At least they warn ya.  

4. The fight song is embarrassing to learn

Will I be chanting this energetically in three years’ time? Yes. Will I be enthusiastically screaming it in my opponent’s face? Definitely. Am I super embarrassed to be learning it in a room filled with other freshmen? Of course I am. For some reason, even though everyone else is mumbling to the song with you, it’s still really embarrassing to be learning lyrics like, “Hail to our sturdy team”. Hail to whose team, now? Please no longer associate me with your “blessed queen”, thank you very much. 

5. It feels like a hotel

“The front desk is available 24/7.”. “The toilet paper is free.”. “Please keep the noise to a minimum.”. Hotel or dorm hall? Ding ding ding, it’s dorm hall! Probably not as nice as any hotel you could be staying at, but maybe the reason freshmen don’t ever really feel like their dorm room is home for a while, is because it feels like a hotel. Or maybe that’s because their family isn’t there. But it’s probably because residence halls have the same surreal feeling of “not-reality” that hotel rooms do.  Which makes it a million times better than staying at home. Go ahead, blast that music. Your mom won’t be pounding on the door demanding you turn it off. 

Tags : 2015, advice, Advice for Men, Advice for Women, College, Girlzone, Growing Up, Humor, life, Millennials, opinion, school, tips, university