Netflix is a fickle friend. It’s difficult to resist falling victim to a Netflix addiction. It’s so easily accessible and not to sound like the stereotypical bad influence in a D.A.R.E. ad but…everyone is doing it.
Phase 1: Discovery
With all this talk about Netflix I might as well see what’s up. Sometimes I like to have the TV on in the background while I do other stuff like clean my apartment or check Facebook.
Phase 2: Experimentation
Top picks for me? Why thank you, Netflix. You’re so sweet and thoughtful! I would have never watched Derek on my own but I’m so glad you recommended it because it’s a really touching show with just the right balance of humor and heartfelt moments. What’s that you say? I may like The IT Crowd? Well I suppose I’ll give it a go!
Phase 3: Justification
Sorry, I, uh, have plans tonight (I don’t really have plans). I can’t hang out (I can but there’s something else I’d rather do). I have a date (a hot date with my remote control). Oh, just a friend (named Netflix). Whatever. I work hard. If I want to sit back and watch some Netflix it’s totally okay. It’s fine. I deserve it. It’s relaxing. Besides my doctor told me I have slightly high blood pressure so I need to relax. My health is at stake. Basically if I don’t sit on my couch and watch Netflix I could die.
Phase 4: Addiction
Wait they raised the price by a dollar a month? What? That’s bull! Wait, no, I’ll pay it! I’ll pay it! I’ll get the money. I’ll figure it out. I’m halfway through The Tudors and it’s not even that good but I can’t just abandon it. Henry has three wives left! And after I finish The Tudors there’s a documentary on the Golden Age I need to watch because I’m now very invested in late 16th Century England! Also, whatever happened to Jonathan Rhys Meyers? He’s in a show about Dracula? Is that available on Netflix instant watch? No? Okay. It will be. I’ll be waiting.
Phase 5: Denial
I could stop any time I want. I don’t have a problem. I love Netflix. Netflix makes me feel good. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Phase 6: Panic
It’s not loading! It’s not loading! What do you mean there’s an error and to try back later? There is no later! What am I supposed to do in the meantime, huh Netflix? Read a book? Be productive? Call my parents to see how they’re doing? Leave the house? Load, for the love of all that is good, load!
Phase 7: Acceptance
I might have a problem. I might need to take a little break from Netflix. Just a little one. Just for a little while. Just until I can remember what my name is and what my dreams and aspirations once were.
Phase 8: …have you seen the second season of House of Cards?
Robin Wright is beyond fierce.
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