San Francisco Tag

“Excuse me, sir. Do you have a minute to talk about rock and roll?” The question comes somewhat meekly during a break in an otherwise vicious wall of sound. Wearing a sharktoothed sundress, Rebecca Bortman looks more Alice in Wonderland than garage rock heroine. Nevertheless, she and her monochrome bandmates that make up lo-fi outfit Happy Fangs serve up the good word of rock and roll with a feverish bite. The night is still young at the Silverlake Lounge in Los Angeles. At 9PM on a Tuesday, I’m usually plopped onRead More

It was eighty-four degrees in San Francisco and I was riding the bus after concurrently confessing my love and breaking up with a boy I had been dating.  On our first date I told him that my brother had brain cancer.  I had just discovered the fact myself and wasn’t sure what the protocol was for these things in regard to first dates. Was it a sit-at-home-and-panic or an attend-with-pocketed-Xanax sort of situation? The idea of distraction and a lovely, little pill that allowed me to abandon anxiety for fourRead More

Recent events have inspired me to web wander into the atrocious abyss that is OkCupid and create a profile. Recent events include but are not limited to: being the third wheel to friends and their brunch dates, realizing my sexual activity rate (0%), and watching my relatives celebrate the legalization of gay marriage in this state because they think I am a lesbian. Browsing, messaging and, essentially, applying on OkCupid is a combined concoction of a depletion of one’s soul and visionless hope. It is like applying for your dream jobRead More

  After two years as a resident of San Francisco, one serious relationship, and a dozen-ish fernet-fueled make-outs in dive bars throughout this 7 by 7 span of expensive earth, I have been there and I have done that.  And after circumstantially created dates as cause of Tinder, OkCupid, Grouper and Hinge, I have done even that. The complicated species that is San Francisco man falls into five distinct archetypes.  (Although it is rude to overgeneralize, my observations and scientifically calculated data boasts extensive evidence that props these patterns).   1. Read More

It’s Raining Fish in Sri Lanka! Yes that’s correct. And I’m not talking about cats and dogs here, I really mean fish. On Monday, during a rainstorm in Sri Lanka, villagers were surprised to have over 50kg of fish come down as well. It is believed the fish were pulled from a nearby river. This is not the first time the country has seen fish rain. Early in 2012 a nearby village witnessed prawns fall from the sky. So I guess this is kinda cool. Talk about your endless sushiRead More

Smart Car Tipping Crime Spree Earlier this week in San Francisco. four Smart cars were turned on their sides in an act of vandalism. Police are investigating suspects and so far the only lead they have are reports of seven hooded figures. Someone call Snow White! Just kidding, there were no reports on their height. Authorities are also trying to decide whether these are just random crime acts or a protest/hate-crime against Smart cars. But you know what I think? I think those hipster city-folk want to have their ownRead More

Instant gratification is exhausting.  We are a generation that can get what we desire immediately, we want what we want when we want it, and we can have it.  In a time like this, the word “patience” can be as foreign to us as the idea of mailing hand-written letters for communication purposes; both unnecessary and rather annoying. This instant gratification mentality can leave us in an uneasy state of quantity versus quality, and distracts us from a more meaningful existence full of things out of our control – aRead More

I am participating in a project which I do odd jobs to pay off my student loans and blog about them at Missoddjobs.com.  This is how I met Larry, an architect in San Francisco with a foot fetish, and more specifically, a tickling foot fetish.  I let him tickle my feet for one hour for $100.  That is approximately $1.67 per minute, for laughing on camera.  I can assure you there was nothing sexual about this odd job that involved my homely and humungous feet.  Larry did not have anRead More

Your twenties are a decade to learn, grow, and make mistakes.  Below are the most important lessons 

I have learned so far.   1.  Despite how much they are jiggled in your face like a shake weight, transvestites with prosthetic breasts and penises, will not enjoy you grabbing their breasts for a picture, even if they are working at a transvestite restaurant.   2.  Check. Your. Oil. When the lever on your oil gauge moves back and forth from empty to full, your car, also known as Betty, has notRead More

With public transportation run-ins, Tinder, OKcupid, Grouper and nights out on the town, young adulthood boasts an impressive collection of resources to meet people, presenting us with options and people we may not have ever met otherwise, proving to be both a good and bad thing.  Below is a collection of men you just shouldn’t date under any circumstances.    1.  The Travel Titan What happens abroad should stay abroad.  Just because you realize a foreign-landed fling has moved to the same city as you, you do not need toRead More

Tinder can be a simple way to get attention, a date, or a hook-up in minutes.  There is something satisfying in being provided with a stack of people in your preferred mile and age radius while your besties are brunching with their beaus.  Yes, they may have shared bacon and mimosa-breath sex, but you have Tinder!  One can determine their attraction to another person with subtleties that can only be seen in photographs.   After a week plus some extra hours of Tindering, I have realized that there are some trendsRead More

Time for the NFL’S final four. Championship Sunday. And shockingly, the four teams thought to be the best back in August are still standing. Broncos-Patriots, and Seahawks-Niners. Let’s do this. I sucked majorly last week going 0-3-1, but hey, nobody’s perfect. All of the games except for the smackdown the Patriots laid on the Colts could have easily gone the other way, as far as the spread is concerned, SO I’M OKAY WITH IT AND DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME. As always, these are not predictions on who will WIN the gamesRead More

          AFC STANDINGS                              NFC STANDINGS DENVER BRONCOS (13-3)                       1.  SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (13-3) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (12-4)      2.  CAROLINA PANTHERS (12-4) CINCINNATI BENGALS (11-5)                3.  PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (10-6) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (11-5)                 4.  GREEN BAY PACKERS (8-7-1) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (11-5)                  5.  SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (12-4) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (9-7)    Read More

The holiday season always results in a parade of new movies in theaters. If you haven’t already heard, The Wolf of Wall Street is the worst possible movie that you can see with your entire family. Word on the street is that its opening scene involves ingesting drugs off of the bare rear end of an “escort.” Let’s make sure that this doesn’t happen to you (again). Start off the new year on a good foot with your family, ideally a foot that doesn’t involve cringing during extended noisy sexRead More