Miscellaneous Category

So before I published “5 Things About Which I Refuse to Believe the Hype” on Writtalin, I actually submitted it to Thought Catalog first. I waited about 15 minutes and since they didn’t respond right away I figured they rejected it, and since I’m impatient af, I put it up on Writtalin instead. Not that Writtalin is my second choice or anything because Writtalin is the essence of my being and I owe my life to Writtalin and please don’t fire me #TYBG. Anyway apparently some bitch was REALLY offendedRead More

Sitting still for an entire hour—it sounds easy enough. It’s simple to turn off your phone, power down the computer, find a quiet space, and sit. You don’t even do anything—the requirement is to literally do nothing! Almost seems like cheating, right? Right? Recently, I had the opportunity to see for myself just how “easy” it would be. One World Still  is an organization with a simple objective: meditate for an hour once a month. No dues or fees are necessary to be part of this event, and no registration isRead More

This is a period of time many “experts” like to classify as “emerging adulthood.” It sounds more glorious than it actually is. Unfortunately, “well adjusted” is a label we like to give ourselves for a few years of happy delusion. As young adults, we still feel everything (those teen hormones still need a Xanax), but now, we’re forcing ourselves to deal with situations in a “grown-up” manner. The Kübler-Ross model describes the 5 steps of loss and grief to be denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then acceptance. But we’re young adults, soRead More

Boarding the flight you already have a good idea of your seat, hopefully you didn’t score the middle. But on a 747 there are not two middle seats, but 6 middle seats. Your chances are high. Find your seat and immediately make your first enemies in the battle for space in the overhead compartment for your carry-on. As the loser, you retreat further toward the back of the plane searching for space. Then, like a salmon swimming upstream, you fight the hoard of people back to your seat, and sit,Read More

I think I finally understand how the Trix Rabbit feels. Earlier today I was peeling a mandarin orange–otherwise known as a Cutie–and I noticed a little sticker that read, “Cuties are for kids!” So, is that a requirement? Are some angry children going to run after me demanding I hand over the Cuties? I find myself asking the same questions that poor rabbit asked regarding his colorful bowl of Trix. Why can’t I have a Cutie? Why do only kids get to indulge in their juicy deliciousness? Little a$$holes, nobodyRead More

Hello, everyone. I’d like to take this time to formally introduce myself to you – yes, you – on the other side of my laptop. My name is Will, and for the sake of my attention span and your sanity, I will conclude any further introductory pretension here. There will be no need for punctilious handshakery or bro-huggery. Our time together will be brief, albeit rewarding, should you find yourself as keen on grammatically particular text and Facebook messages as I am. If you’re not, I implore you not toRead More

One of the worst feelings in the world is to be surrounded by a bunch of small children. This can happen just about anywhere, anytime. But since school is on its way out for the summer, it is time to watch your back if you are planning to use a public swimming pool. Here’s why:   Kids Love Swimming A human being’s first love affair is with the pool. Kids love this stuff! They are like cats on a scratching post, or cocaine addicts when they see a line. TheyRead More

In yet another shocking, yet not-at-all-surprising move, our good ol’ pal and perfectly sane Führer, Vladimir Putin, has decided to take his totalitarian deathgrip on the Russian subcontinent one large squeeze further. Mulling it over for a solid couple minutes and passing it to a vote in the Russian Congress, if you can even call it that, made up of Czar Putin I, His Highness Putin, Vlad The Putin, and Vladimir Putin, Putin decided that the whole gay hate thing was simply not enough for him – hatred unless theyRead More

There are few things on this earth that piss me off quite like driving. In general, I am a fairly laid-back kind of guy, save for the obvious hot-button issues. However, behind the wheel, I Hulk out. Every time. Ripped purple pants, the whole shebang; my T-shirt budget is enormous. It baffles me that normally halfway-intelligent people can instantly morph into completely bewildered, oblivious, and even pompous dumbfucks the second a one-ton steel killing machine comes into the picture – you know, the perfect time to not be a completeRead More

Humans, as a species, are so unbelievably different from one another.  Each of us is unique, so much so that we can never predict how any one person will react in a given situation. Now, some might say that this doesn’t mean anything but I’m starting to think it might.   Life and Death Every living thing on Earth makes decisions based upon instinct.  Humans have evolved to the point that our “instinct” is no longer our sole reasoning to the choices we make.  We are consciously aware that, oneRead More

Eyes open. Shit.  I’m alive. What now? Can’t I just lay here until I die?  I wish I could do that.  Maybe I could do that? What should I do?  I’m hungry.  Lie back down? Wait. Dog.  Piss.  Let’s go asshole. Unsteady legs underneath me towards the front door. The first shot shoots up my neck. The coldness of the fear envelopes my world. Not again. Wish I was a dog.  Tail fucking wagging.  He isn’t scared. You’re stupid.  Relax. Breathe. Neighbor door opens.  Not going out there.  Wait dog. Read More

(As told by a two-term Editor-In-Chief at a college newspaper)   1. Do cool stuff for free ‘on assignment’ Want to see a concert, upcoming movie, play or art exhibit? Two words: press pass. Tons of places are looking for exposure and press, and if you contact them saying your publication wants to write a review or behind-the-scenes feature, you can probably check it out for free. Other opportunities include trade shows, political events, festivals, etc. Use this power wisely. 2. Feel really cool while you talk about the coolRead More

Sensory deprivation tanks are old, but newly-popular items used to deprive oneself of sensory stimuli for the purposes of relaxation, stress relief, extra-sensory perception, or enhanced creativity. They are lightproof, soundproof tanks filled with extremely buoyant saltwater that is kept at exactly skin temperature. When one floats in one of these tanks for an extended period, he is supposed to be relieved of all light, sound, and tactile feeling, and experience relaxation and bliss. If you live in a city/town that has an “up and coming” district where hip, affluent,Read More

Despite the boyhood day dreams of jumping out of airplanes shaped like sandboxes and sniping terrorists in my backyard with broom sticks, I had little actual inclination to join the military.  I went through a brief period in high school where I wanted to be a Navy SEAL because I thought it was cool to have a goal that others could not achieve, but in reality, and like most people I’ve met, joining the military was more of a plan C or D than anything else.  Of course, soon afterRead More

Since embarking on my career, I’ve gained somewhat of a reputation for myself as “that guy who’s reading instead of doing his job.”  It’s true.  While the grips are rigging and the director is doing a walkthrough with the actors, I often tuck myself into a corner somewhere and pop open a book.  None of that Kindle nonsense either – I flip through page after page of properly bound, warm-scented paper, fresh from my latest Barnes & Noble excursion or pilfered from my friends’ bookcases.  I’ll find myself so deepRead More