An Open Letter to My Future Boyfriend

This could take a while.

For starters, I’m pieced together by chocolate and sappy love songs, but you’re going to appreciate the choice you made.

Ever since I knew what the opposite sex was and what it entailed, I have been attracted to every species of male. I won’t lie to you, I am a flirt. My personality is bubbly and I am always smiling. When you see me talking to some other guy, don’t get nervous. I am with you for a reason. If I wanted him, I would be with him and not you. The double standard holds true for this one, though, because if you were talking to another girl all giggly and smiley, I’d probably whip out a can of bitch and spray some on her. But, my jealousy stays controlled cause like I said, I’m yours and you’re mine.

I really like to go out to dinner. It doesn’t have to be some expensive steak house, but every once in a while would be nice. My favorite kind of food is diner food and no, please don’t order for me. Whatever girl told you that was OK was wrong. I’m a slow eater because I talk too much, not because I want to enjoy my food. This is something you’ll have to deal with. Sometimes I chew and talk at the same time, another thing you’ll have to deal with. Now you’re probably questioning my mannerisms and wondering if I’m ladylike at all; no worries darling. My legs are always crossed and I use the right fork at the right time.

After we get dinner or on a rainy day, yes I am a fan of cuddling. But a fan of being suffocated by your arm or having my hair stuck between your armpit is what I’m not. I am big spoon, hear me roar. My leg will wrap around your waist and my head on your chest just the way you (probably) like it. When we watch movies, you can bet your ass that I will fall asleep during an action movie. Keep me laughing with a comedy or keep me crying with a Nicholas Sparks film, either way I’ll stay awake. You’re going to have to watch my favorite movie at least twice during our relationship whether you like it or not. I wear the pants when it comes to who has the remote. You’re lucky, I love watching sports.

Frankly, in our relationship I am going to like to shop more for you than me, that’s a bonus. My dream job is to work for GQ, so I’ll just say you’re welcome ahead of time for all the hot clothes I’m going to buy. I will tell you now that I change my outfit around 3 times a day: class outfit, hangout outfit, night outfit. Don’t be alarmed. It is completely normal and everyone that loves me has learned to accept it, so you should too.

To get on a more emotional and blunt note, don’t f*ck up. At this point in my life, I am old enough to not want to deal with BS. I have no time in my book for that, and if I picked the right guy, then you don’t either. A few tips for you:

1) I don’t like clingy but I don’t like distant, in the middle is the perfect temperature.

2) Don’t go deleting texts.

3) If you need to tell me something, don’t beat around the bush. I wear my big girl panties most of the time and could handle whatever you throw my way.

4) Remember, hugs and kisses make some things better, but they don’t solve everything.

I’m not prejudging our relationship, this is just a warm and welcoming warning.

I like to think I’m funny. I laugh at my own jokes, and when I say laugh, I mean I get the full abdominal workout and I sometimes cry. Since you’re going to be my partner, I am hoping you join in on my silliness. I am immature when needed and I hope you have the same quality. I use my steering wheel as my drum set during car rides and I’m relying on you to use your air guitar to make our band golden. I occasionally tap dance in my boots or sneakers and I use my socks as ice skates on my tile floors. Maybe one day we can go real ice skating together.

I take life by the balls and I’m looking for someone to be on my team. I am a party poppin’ animal. I love dancing. I love singing drunk and loud to throwbacks. If you can’t handle that, than you read this all for nothing. I am independent so I’m not looking for someone to depend on for my every need. All I ask of you is that you take care of me, love me with all your might and hand feed me grapes when I ask for it. We can conquer this world together if you let it happen. I promise.

Tags : advice, Boyfriend, dating, Dating for Women, Girlzone, letter, Love, Men, Relationships, romance, women