How to Survive Valentine’s Day

Just a few days until THE DAY. For some of you, it’s the day that you’ve had high hopes for since February 15th of LAST year, but for some of you, it’s the day that you’ve been hoping finds you either A) single and happily unattached or B) ANYTHING but single and forever alone. Now, I’m not the most romantic female on the planet, but I am a woman after all, so I’ve got a little sweetness in me somewhere. I’ve been on both sides of the coin here- I’ve been blissfully anticipating the 14th and all that Hallmark tells me I have in store, and I’ve been a pouty little wench hoping every girl gets ONLY orange creme filled chocolates in their heart shaped boxes. HOWEVER, now that I see the world through my oh-so-pragmatic clear eyeballs, I will let you all know how to survive Valentine’s Day if you are single and if you are in a committed (or not so committed) relationship.

Single or taken, don’t end up like this on Friday.

IF YOU ARE SINGLE:

Stay the EFF off Facebook. 

Listen – if you’re going to take any of the following advice I have to give, take this one SERIOUSLY. Avoid social media at all costs. Facebook and Instagram will be littered with photos of engagement rings, flowers, and all that crap you DIDN’T get. It’s only going to make you even more miserable. So delete IG from your phone, temporarily disable your Facebook – do what you have to do AT ALL COSTS. Even the $5.99 wilted carnations are nicer than the ones you got…because you didn’t get squat.

IF YOU ARE NOT SINGLE:

Stay the EFF off Facebook. 

Stop.

IF YOU ARE SINGLE:

Please note that this day is only 24 hours long and it’ll all be over soon.

It’s almost over. Deep breaths. Tomorrow is a brand new day filled with opportunity, hope and 50% off Valentine’s Day chocolate at CVS.

 

IF YOU ARE NOT SINGLE:

Quality over quantity.

So many of us focus on being as elaborate as possible on this big, giant, special Christmas-for-lovers day. Sure, the surprises, chocolates, jewelry, and life-sized teddy bears are a real hoot and  holler, BUT let’s focus on what this day was originally supposed to be about. February 14th is supposed to be a day devoted to LOVE – to showing how much you care for and appreciate the most important people in your life. Should you have a special someone that you like to kiss on the lips, don’t worry about spending all of your hard earned pennies on lavish gifts. Instead, do something out of the ordinary to express your love. Do something thoughtful. Do something special. Do something that doesn’t include being a pain in the ass.

IF YOU ARE SINGLE:

Keep busy. Spend the day doing something productive (Taking a deeper look at why you’re spending today alone would be a great place to start).

Not to pour salt on the wound or anything, but if you find yourself sitting in alone in the dark sticking pins in miniature dolls adorned with your ex boyfriends’ faces on them, maybe you should do some self-evaluation; some cause and effect if you will. Choose to stay busy on February 14th. Treat it like any old day. BUT if you can’t ignore the date, think positively and productively. Think about what you could be doing to better your chances of finding love. Open yourself up to the universe, change your attitude, and maybe next year you’ll get some crappy roses delivered to your door too.

 

IF YOU ARE NOT SINGLE:

Don’t have high expectations for this day…(especially if you’re a woman).

Hate to break it to you – men F’ing HATE Valentine’s Day – even the good ones. To them, it’s an overly hyped, money sucking, stressful day for them to disappoint the woman in their life. First of all, most men have NO idea that Friday is Valentine’s Day and they won’t have a clue until he gets your “Happy V-Day Baby xoxoxoxoxoox” text at 5AM. So chances are, anything he does do for you is going to be last minute and extremely half-assed. So do yourself a favor, and don’t get your hopes up for something you once saw in Love Actually (That shit doesn’t happen in real life). Just be appreciative of whatever he does do for you instead. Be grateful for the time he spends with you, because that’s really what should be putting a smile on your face anyway.

 

IF YOU ARE SINGLE:

Don’t tweet some obnoxious miserable quote about how much you hate today and how you’re better off alone anyway. DO not post some “Independent Woman” Beyonce lyrics either.

Just don’t. No one believes you anyway.

 

THE BOTTOM LINE

Whether you’re single or in the deepest, deepest of love – chill out on Friday. It’s not a big deal. Just be happy you’re alive, that you live in a free country, and that you’re not Justin Bieber.

You could have it worse.

#poorbiebs.

 

 

Related articles

• Valentine’s Day Survival Guide for Men
• Single This Valentine’s Day? Here Are A Couple Things You Can Do Instead of Staying In Miserable (For the Ladies)
• Surviving Valentine’s Day: A Guide For Us Single Ladies

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