At the bottom of this page, below my words, are a few boxes with an image and one catchy headline – we’ll call it a hook. Most of them take you off this site 🙁 But where do they take you? I beefed up my spam filters, scrolled on down to some of the most popular internet leisure-reading articles and clicked. I did it for you, Writtalin reader. Check out these complete bullshit, waste of time, addicting but deceptive headlines and hooks, and what they actually mean.
Get Laid Using This 1 Weird Tip
Click on this useless story to get sold some bullshit on “being yourself,” “being confident,” or having a lot of money. The article tells you nothing that you never knew before. The tip is not weird. You are not going to get into the bar with that beautiful girl you’ve seen at the bar with some eyebrow bend that woos her immediately.
87 Year Old Personal Trainer Shares Her Secret Behind Limitless Energy
This old lady still works out, eats healthy and doesn’t sit around like a lazy bum. That is why she is, gasp…. healthy and energetic.
This 1 Easy Way to Boost Testosterone
Definitely a GNC ad disguised as a story. Click here and it doesn’t even try to amaze you with an editorial. This particular ad took me a the GNC web store for a testosterone boosting supplement and a disclaimer that GNC is the only one that is allowed to sell it. Yawn.
How Celebrities are Losing Weight
It isn’t hard to imagine that a celebrity might have a bit more time and few more resources than your average joe when it comes to dropping weight. Not to mention their image is worth more to them than their ability (read, Paris Hilton, Sylvester Stallone, Channing Tatum). They work out for five hours a day with a personal trainer and watch what they eat (probably with a nutritionist). They also get surgery if they need it. But this lovely little tab of information drags you right to a work out plan.
This Simple Trick Will Put Tanning Salons Out of Business
Go and sit in the fucking sun!
Never Eat This Carb (Literally, Never)
It is actually a link to an online nutrition presentation where they never pinpoint one single carb that you should avoid. It is also not very interesting, but it is informative. It is also pretty hard to click out of the page once it opens – it is mostly informative spam.
You Won’t believe who is related to Abraham Lincoln
It’s actually just Tom Hanks.
Life Changing Hair Loss Solution?
It is a link to Hair Club for Men and not an article whatsoever.
The Game Changing Metabolism Booster!
Again, an article about working out.
6 Stars who aren’t from America
16 slides of bullshit to find out that that Hugh Laurie is British, Kiefer Sutherland is Canadian, Christian Bale is British, Neil Young is Canadian, Mila Kunis was born in the Ukraine and Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem. The slide share page reloads every time you click “next” and is undoubtedly raping your computer of every bit of search history or information it can get.
Public (Your City) Arrest Records!
Pay a bunch of money to search through a database that is otherwise free on most city, town or county websites
New Steroid Alternative
Working out, again.
Overweight? Try this!
Working out, eating healthier, again again.
How to Check Your Kid’s Text Messages
Look at their phone when they are in the bathroom, tell them to leave their phone at home when they are in school or take their phone away from them after certain hours. Really ground breaking stuff.
So, there you have it. Every reason to not click away from Writtalin!
Coming soon: the “Share this to view” Facebook saga. (Probably not, though. Viruses).