Posted On March 26, 2014 By In Advice For Women, Girlzone

How to Glam Your Grunge


Sometimes our work-happy hours last longer than expected and we awake the next morning, foggy and furious at our alarm, and must abandon any  intention of showering in order to sleep a little bit longer.   No, I am not advocating regular avoidance of bathing to match the scent of the homeless man surrounded by pigeons and urine on your walk to the bus, but there are some serious ways to glam up your grunge that every twenty-something should be privy to.


1.  Charm Your Chewbacca Legs

You have not shaved your legs in three weeks, it has been cold and raining, and tights have actually taken over the world.  Without any real warning, daylight savings time has provided us with longer days and spring with warmer temperatures, and both make it acceptable for us to bare our knee caps again.  You realize in horror one morning that your sweater tights are no longer cutting it and with leg hair longer than your boyfriend’s beard, you are at a true loss.  Excavate those knee high socks you vaguely remember purchasing last fall, and promptly transform your grunge to glam.  No one has to know about that extra layer of fur you’re carrying around beneath them.

  2.  Lipstick Loveliness

Every lady should have one shade of lipstick that your Grandma Jan wouldn’t wear.  Once applied (with care and a steady hand) you will appear as an individual who has their life together, or at least one with enough time to apply lipstick after breakfast.  Even if your belly button contains remnants of tequila from those body shots that seemed like a good idea on a Wednesday night, your overall presentation will exude loveliness.

3.  Don Your Rock Star Color

Every person has a rock star color. A rock star color is one that one that compliments your hair, eyes, and skin tone perfectly.  You know what I am talking about.  When coffee shop strangers see you in this color they admire your style.  When you are rocking your rock star color at work, coworkers flatter you with compliments even if the actual cut of the dress is bag-lady like.  This is your rock star color.  Wearing this color when you’re feeling less than stellar directly correlates to your ability to put some pep in your step.

4.  Build The Big Bun

No one needs to know that you haven’t washed your hair in four days or that your hair is an indistinguishable mess of tangles that a tarantula could easily hide in.  Tease those tresses into a high ponytail and bobby pin the whole disaster like your life depends on it.  Now you can enjoy not only having the weight of your oily coil off of your face, but the sophistication associated with a high bun well-done.

5.  Tame Your Teeth

You’re just going to have to brush your teeth.  I don’t care what or who you did last night, how tired you are, or your likeliness of vomiting when your gag reflex is agitated while hungover; you absolutely must polish your pearly whites.

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Equally lovely and ferocious in nature, Allyson Darling resides in San Francisco. She writes nonfiction essays about sex, relationships, and pantries (and sometimes about having sex in pantries).