The desire behind closure is, of course, the idea of order. The order in which our life existed before one particular person came into our lives and changed what felt like everything. Sometimes for the better, other times for worse.
The disarray we are often left in when the person leaves us has us feeling a dishevelment of frustrated, depressed, and hostile feelings which never existed in the first place. These feelings can be towards the person or ourselves. We long for the closure that will allow us to neatly and carefully pack away all of these feelings, but that simply isn’t possible.
If we could truly get closure from this one connection in our life, this one chapter, it would essentially mean losing all of the memories, connections to other individuals, and indescribable feelings which we may have never before experienced. Feelings which we now understand and comprehend, feelings that we could pass along to the next individual in our lives who we feel would be sincerely deserving of such emotions.
The loss which we encounter, and the closure which we require, they are in fact not interrelated at all. From the loss that we experience, the instants we ensnare from that relationship, they all get integrated into our forever evolving identities. As we unfold into these newly interspersed identities, we remember the lessons we learned and the moments we shared.
We must remember that if we were ever to get “true” closure, it would paradoxically create a larger wound, for we would have lost any inclination for growth as individuals, in our personalities, and in our minds. The attachment would be dissevered and we would be at a loss; for these memories are here for us to master and cultivate from, not to shut out.
Closure cannot be found in anyone else, as much as we pine, crave, and yearn for that explanation of whys and what ifs. The reasoning behind someone’s decision will not change anyone’s choices. Knowing that someone feels worse will not lessen your pain. And most importantly, having someone confess to their mistakes will not give you the closure you desire.
It is a process, and a long one. A process of pain, grieving, sadness, but also one that involves healing, and learning.