life Tag

There’s a certain amount of  tact present when conversing with acquaintances. These aren’t your people that arrive with vodka and a burrito when something horrid has happened to you. They are the co-workers of your friends that have a homely, three-limbed dog, or perhaps your friend’s Craigslist roommate that masturbates loudly. Sometimes you get stuck in the backseat of their cars after a group-camping expedition and you spill ketchup on their seatbelt buckle and don’t tell them. Whoever they are, you have certainly never connected with them on a personalRead More

The difference between your early twenties and your mid-twenties is vast. Once you hit your mid-twenties you’re welcome into a strange world where planning for retirement becomes a thing that you actually have to start thinking about, a world where everyone on MTV is younger than you, a world where you get invited to more weddings than keggers, a world where you can’t eat McDonalds because it’s “too greasy.” It’s basically the Twilight Zone. Another cool, fun thing about being in your mid-twenties is that you enter into a constantRead More

I’ve had three Bloody Mary’s and seventeen olives and I’m in that crater of a conversation that revolves around significant others and their brunch orders. I wish I cared what your boring boyfriend chose to eat for breakfast to accommodate his Paleo diet and stomach sensitivity to dairy, but I don’t. I would rather gag myself with the bright green straw in charge of my Bloody Mary consumption and re-eat the marbled pieces of olive after I’ve thrown them up than continue the conversation.  After this instance I realized thatRead More

If you were to Google the burgeoning metropolis of Bakersfield, California you would find it is known for many things. Aside from carrots and Buck Owens, Bakersfield has made quite a name for itself as having the worst air quality, the most illiterate citizens, and the place where lost phone calls (and hopes and dreams) go to die, due to terrible cellphone reception. Either Forbes just hates Bakersfield or it really is a barren wasteland pretending to be a functioning society. But for me, Bakersfield has always just been home.Read More

I’ve never been a big fan of “the birthday.”  While I certainly appreciate the extra love on Facebook from people I haven’t seen since Myspace was the accepted social network, I just don’t feel the need to be celebrated for a full 24 hours.  What did I accomplish?  Being born?  Shouldn’t you be sending wishes to the woman who went through horrific labor in order to literally squeeze me out into this world?  I mean, really.  Nonetheless, regardless of how undeserving I may feel of the cakes and checks, I can’tRead More

Where Boys Hide Their Boners When a guy pops a boner in basketball shorts, there’s only one place to hide.  My first boyfriend taught me where boys keep their boners. One night he took me to a scenic overlook that had a view of the city which I enjoyed from the inside of my boyfriend’s mouth as we made out against a high-standing stone wall.  (That is to say, I did not actually enjoy much of the view because we were otherwise occupied). He was a giant at 6’3″ toRead More

What is to be said about a man so heavily spoken for? Whether his family, friends or famous reputation; anywhere you go the mention of George Boisson, also known as King, leads to conversations and stories of an impressive legacy. It was the kind of impressive legacy that leads one to believe that perhaps King was not just a nickname but some form of actual royalty. What can be said about a man so widely respected? The greatest people are always the hardest to honor. Not much can be saidRead More

Last week, I was in Las Vegas. I was in Las Vegas for five nights too long…and by that, I mean I was in Las Vegas for five nights. As a problem gambler and a party-loving idiot, being in Vegas at all was probably a terrible choice. But during my time in Vegas, I learned a few valuable lessons which I would like to impart onto the rest of you.   Bribery ALWAYS Works Going to Vegas with a group of five dudes and one girl, our odds for gettingRead More

Senior year of college, Fall semester, I was packing up after my poetry final when the guy who sat across from me all semester walked up. Thinking he was not seeking my attention I stuffed the rest of the cookie my professor handed out as inspiration into my mouth. He was indeed seeking my attention and proceeded to compliment me and ask for my number. I nearly spit out the cookie. He and I had only made contact once in the class and boy was I a hungover mess thatRead More

While good-intentioned, the article 3Things You Never Say to a  Lady is actually  in itself, if not male bafoonery, then an example of a communication breakdown.  Good for you for realizing the idiocy of some of your male peers, but if you want to treat women right then you might need to re-evaluate the reasons behind your behaviors.  Don’t change the subject about weight in order to avoid saying something you’ll regret, or passively agree for the sake of keeping the peace, or offer to pay simply because you areRead More

I couldn’t fully grasp this concept until recently. And by recently I mean when I found out Heath Ledger died and I tried to watch 10 Things I Hate About You. I thought it was a fluke, that one of my favorite films from my youth would solicit such a sadness.  I told myself it was only sad because he was so young himself as a serenading sparkplug, and I tried again with Brokeback Mountain, but I still could not see his face on screen without being subject to unsolicited emotions.  I can never enjoyRead More

I’ll say it: if there’s one thing I’m great at, it’s making colossal, oh-god-I-just-fucked-my-whole-life-up mistakes. If I were to trace the origins of this unfortunate trait, I’d say it stems from a combination of me being inherently spacey and not always thinking things all the way through. This will become more evident as the list goes on. Now, I’m by no means perfect, nor do I even completely have my shit together, so take this as a “don’t be like me” cautionary tale. DON’T DO THIS SHIT:   1. LivingRead More

Even though “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” came out 11 years ago (wow, doesn’t that make you feel old?), here are some things I reflected on while watching the VHS with my best girlfriends.     1. Never dance around your bathroom in heels. As much as you love blasting music while you’re pre-gaming, or dancing around your bedroom after the shower (favorite hobby), beware of bathrooms, floor mats, and heels. I mean, seriously Lizzie, did you really think you weren’t going to slip and knockdown that shower curtain in thoseRead More

When you are waiting for Dominos to be delivered                     Wait… did you say you ordered pizza?!                   When you realize — Holy shit! Is that a spider?!                    When you are at your desk all day and someone asks if you want to grab Starbucks                   When you have to use the restroom and there is aRead More

Throughout history, Labor Day has been one of the major holidays that has impacted fashion. In some form or another, I’m sure you have heard the saying “Don’t wear white after Labor Day!” Why is this? Why all of a sudden is a color forbidden? Well, it all started in the 1800’s, early 1900’s.  Wearing white was a symbol of wealth. Since laborers couldn’t afford to take time off of work for vacation they would always wear their blue collar uniforms/outfits. The wealthier would always show of their wealth by wearing whiteRead More