ramblings Tag

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Remember those rules we learned in grade school and if you chose to disobey you had to pull a card or go to detention or lose points/gold stars? That was a big deal at the time and engraved into our brains that I don’t think we could forget them even if we tried. But apparently, it’s come to my attention recently that everyone has grown up and forgotten these basic yet, SUPER IMPORTANT rules. So please let me refresh your childhood memories.     1. Always wash your hands afterRead More

Record 18: Disneyland, Thursday, July 5th, 2012. Day. Haven is visiting Disneyland with her family. Haven has 2 brothers. One brother’s name is Jamie. He’s 18. The other brother’s name is Hampton. He’s 19. Haven is 14. Haven’s mom is 43. Her name is Mary. Haven’s dad is 44. His name is Ned. The family is waiting in line for ‘It’s a Small World.’ Hampton checks Twitter on his iPhone. Ned checks ESPN Sportscenter on his iPhone. Jamie has a Smartphone. “You haven’t responded to my Candy Crush.” Jamie tellsRead More

Sex is one of those things.   One of those things that can be really good, really bad, unmistakably messy, emotionally entangling, seemingly life changing, and what you have before breakfast some days and after dinner others, like a cupcake.  And in your mid-twenties and outside of a relationship it is usually a combination of power, alcohol and nearly expired condoms that you’ve found in the kitchen drawer and that belonged to three roommates ago. Some of us were raised Catholic with the notion that the only option for our genitals was chastityRead More

As it happened, I somehow lost my San Diego library card.  This was a personal tragedy on account of I had memorized that sucker of a sequence–all 14 numbers (which is more than some people have memorized pi, I would like to point out)–in order to quickly and easily navigate the wonders of online requesting. Online requesting was the most genius thing the library ever did for lazy people.  I can search through the entire county’s collections online and click a button that tells the librarian to go pick outRead More

It was 10am and my studio smelt like cheap wine.  Everywhere.  My body felt like it had been glued to my unkempt bedding; I couldn’t move.  My eyes wished they had never opened while my mind already wished it was some place else.  So I got up to forget again.  I started stumbling to the fridge and, oh shit.  I found out why my room smelt like wine.  My laptop was laying on the wooden floor of my San Francisco apartment…wet.  What did I do last night?  All I knewRead More

  Record 17: Irvine, CA, Friday, July 5th, 2013. Day. Hey what’s up. I’m Audrina. I’m hungover from last nite when I got really drukn at Mackey’s 4th of July party at his place in Dana Point and I’m still pretty fucked up. I madeout with no one, and I don’t really wanna talk about that much lol so I won’t. But I did meet this 1 guy, and that’s like the whole story I wanna go into or whatever but right now I think I might fucking puke again.Read More

Sometimes we get caught up worrying about the little things. We worry about the bills getting paid, our appearances, what others think of us, North Korea. I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. Here are some things that you should actually be worrying about.   Aliens Odds are, they’re out there. Think about it. And if they are out there it’s only a matter of time before they come after us. I highly doubt humans are properly equipped to battle Extraterrestrials. Like, hello? Have you watchedRead More

Record 16: Torrance, CA, Tuesday, July 5th, 2011. Night. I’m not going to tell you that I like what I do. I do what I do because when I do it I don’t do it poorly. So what is IT? Let’s break IT down: (note: I’m using numbers instead of letters for arbitrary reasons that I don’t feel like explaining because I write for free and explaining arbitrary reasons defeats the arbitrariness of those reasons). 1. I have sex with old women. Not older women. OLD women. 2. I don’tRead More

The Ice Bucket Challenge is supposed to be an awareness and fundraising campaign for the fight against ALS where people either donate $100 to the ALS Association, or dump an ice cold bucket of water on their heads and then donate $10 to the ALS Association. Then they get to challenge three other people to do one of those two things. Many uninformed people are just dumping a bucket of ice on their heads and then challenging other people to do the same, which doesn’t do a whole hell ofRead More

Dear Awkward Teenager, I’m staring my late-twenties in the face, but I still couldn’t tell you the details of their anatomy. It’s funny how I still manage to daydream the way you do during 4th period only to be awoken by the lunch bell. So much changes, but so much stays the same. Trust me on this, sometimes it’s best to just embrace the unknown as opposed to finding out the answers immediately. Honestly, some questions or prayers will go unanswered for what seems like an eternity, but that’s onlyRead More

My randomly-assigned roommate freshman year wasn’t bad.  The most annoying thing about her was her noisy love for video games and her intense love of cats.  (Also, she collected these weird naked baby figurines).  Besides that, she was just any old person.  The main reason why resentment started to grow between us is because we shared a space, a single room.  After 6 months, we fell into silence forever. Anyway, I’m a journaler.  I loved writing in my journals and I’m sure she saw me scribbling away numerous times intoRead More

  Record 15: Laguna Beach, Tuesday, July 5th, 2012. Day. Axel’s parents were wealthy. They had a 3 story mansion just off the PCH with an elevator and a live-in maid they called Rosario, which wasn’t her actual name. It was a name applied to her. A name they gave her. A name she accepted because they paid her a maid’s fortune and allowed her access to the family golf cart. But this story is not about Rosario. It’s not about Axel’s parents’ 3 story elevator house that they noRead More

So I walk into a party with a friend the other weekend, and I’m excited because it is allegedly going to be rife with people in New York City whom I do not know but who are, according to my friend, totally my kind of people. (Not sure what this means, exactly, but I go with it). Some of them might be dudes who I befriend and introduce me to girls they think would be a good match for me, ultimately resulting in my wedded bliss. Or they might just beRead More

I have always felt really strongly that I know who I am. I’ve never cared what people thought of me; I wore what I wanted, I did what I wanted, I wasn’t afraid of letting my opinion be known, and I have always done what I felt was best for me. I was a bright high school student who has always fostered a love of books, and I still read voraciously. I used to draw, I painted, I constantly rearranged and redecorated my college dorm rooms and apartments into whatRead More