1. You can’t go out just the two of you
Not because you don’t have fun together, you do. That’s why you’re friends, duh. But if just the two of you go out, you know she will get scooped up by some model/personal trainer within 10 minutes of you arriving to the bar, and then you’re all alone, which is the prime place for you to get a very special rape/homicide combo. Either that, or you’ll have to cab home alone, which sucks too.
2. They probably have awesome clothes, but you probably can’t borrow any of them
Because if you were 5’8″ and 100 pounds too, odds are neither of you would stand out as “the hot friend.”
3. You’re constantly playing matchmaker
To all the thirsty guy friends of yours that take one look at her and immediately ask you why you’ve never introduced them before, as if they’re totally the first dude ever to think this girl’s attractive and to request the chance to get to know her. You consider the merits of throwing a “meet my hot friend”-themed rager.
4. You always have to talk to the fucking wing man
I’m gonna let you dudes in on a little secret: you’re not at all subtle when you approach two girls and one of you is the “wing man.” Wing men are the worst to talk to because I can tell you give zero fucks about being in my presence and are actively trying not to make eye contact with me or engage me in any way. It just forces two people who would rather be doing anything else to make awkward conversation for a very prolonged period of time. It sucks. And it is also pretty insulting when you see two dudes come barreling towards you and you’re like, “Great, I can already tell the one on the left is mine. I get the ugly one. Again.”
5. Even if you’re looking your best, you’ll never want to take a picture together
Why would I do that, so I can stand next to you, looking like a child-sized gremlin in comparison? Fuuuuuuuck that.