Relationships Tag

Where Boys Hide Their Boners When a guy pops a boner in basketball shorts, there’s only one place to hide.  My first boyfriend taught me where boys keep their boners. One night he took me to a scenic overlook that had a view of the city which I enjoyed from the inside of my boyfriend’s mouth as we made out against a high-standing stone wall.  (That is to say, I did not actually enjoy much of the view because we were otherwise occupied). He was a giant at 6’3″ toRead More

Senior year of college, Fall semester, I was packing up after my poetry final when the guy who sat across from me all semester walked up. Thinking he was not seeking my attention I stuffed the rest of the cookie my professor handed out as inspiration into my mouth. He was indeed seeking my attention and proceeded to compliment me and ask for my number. I nearly spit out the cookie. He and I had only made contact once in the class and boy was I a hungover mess thatRead More

Sex is one of those things.   One of those things that can be really good, really bad, unmistakably messy, emotionally entangling, seemingly life changing, and what you have before breakfast some days and after dinner others, like a cupcake.  And in your mid-twenties and outside of a relationship it is usually a combination of power, alcohol and nearly expired condoms that you’ve found in the kitchen drawer and that belonged to three roommates ago. Some of us were raised Catholic with the notion that the only option for our genitals was chastityRead More

After reading an article in the local free paper about Summer flings, I started thinking about all of the different kinds of flings that exist. While the summer fling is the most common, there are plenty more that are not so often defined. The five most common flings are: the Summer fling, the vacation fling, the party fling, the work fling, and the class fling. While seeing them stated in these terms may feel awkward I’m sure we have all experienced or witnessed one of these five. The biggest, but oneRead More

Here is another one for you folks obsessed with the hookup culture. The word relationship has a definition in the dictionary, but it does not follow a specific mould in practice. Average relationships last three to five months, but is anyone taking into account the micro relationship? A one night stand is just that, a micro relationship. It is a much nicer way of putting what has become norm turned back taboo turned back norm and now I’m not even sure what it is. Within a matter of hours an entireRead More

Have you ever had your significant other forget something you told him or her that you found to be very important? Did it make your blood boil and a pulse begin in your temples? Well, it’s happened to me, and I’m sure I’m not alone. The difference is that I have finally realized that just like memorizing stupid BS for tests like the ACT and SAT, remembering every little insignificant detail of someone’s life will prove boring and the information will be gone as soon as it is no longerRead More

I’ve always found the concept of breaking up with someone both unsettling and sad. Whenever I hear of a friend or family member’s relationship coming to an end, I feel somewhat disappointed that another love has failed yet again. Coming from a family where my parents met and fell in love at 15, I grew up believing in the whole “fairy-tale” ending phenomenon. I just didn’t understand how if two people loved each other so much they could even fathom ending things. I think this is part of the reasonRead More

Recent events have inspired me to web wander into the atrocious abyss that is OkCupid and create a profile. Recent events include but are not limited to: being the third wheel to friends and their brunch dates, realizing my sexual activity rate (0%), and watching my relatives celebrate the legalization of gay marriage in this state because they think I am a lesbian. Browsing, messaging and, essentially, applying on OkCupid is a combined concoction of a depletion of one’s soul and visionless hope. It is like applying for your dream jobRead More

I once met a wonderful couple at a wedding that had been married for nearly 50 years. When I asked them what the secret was to a long-lasting marriage, the wife paused, looked at me and said, “Alcohol.” It happens: We meet the person of our dreams, fall in love, wake up smiling and go to bed feeling perfect. We make a conscious effort with our appearance and stay up late talking on the phone. We shower each other with surprises and spontaneous adventures. We take our love into considerationRead More

1. White males are statistically wayyyyy more likely to be serial killers. Source.   2. If I go on a beach date with a white guy, I’ll have to stop my sea-frolicking every 30 minutes so he can put on sunscreen. Or worse, I’ll have to help him apply it on his back in those hard-to-reach places. I hate touching people’s backs.   3. My dad is white. I do not have daddy issues.   4. White guys listen to bands like Death Cab for Cutie and Panic! At theRead More

Independence while dating may be the most important part of your relationship. Now, I’m not a cynic. In fact, I believe that you should enter any relationship (be it friendship or more) with trust and an open mind. However, this does not mean you have to sacrifice your lifestyle before you met your new significant other. Creating a solid foundation for yourself is as important as the dating part. Here are some tips to keep your independence while dating:   1. Friends: It is so important to keep your friendsRead More

First dates are like interviews. At least in my experience. Every halfway decent one I’ve ever been on is a volley of questions, as if both parties are reporters and the person across the table is his or her subject. Except instead of writing about them, both people are tasked with trying to decide whether this person has enough potential to be included in future plans – whether that is a second date, a night of wild sex, and/or everlasting love. But in my experience, these questions have been mostlyRead More

As we grow up, reading seems like the biggest chore. I remember dreading my book reports and book assignments, but it’s something that never goes away. Whether it’s for leisure or for requirement, reading is probably the most attractive thing a girl can do. Yeah yeah, I know you think that’s hard to believe but here’s why…   The Brains Reading makes you smart. Despite all those magazine ads and commercials, boobs and ass out aren’t the only things men find attractive, even though it’s probably the first thing they’llRead More

Let me start this off by saying not all “nice guys” are the same.  (Though, it’s kind of hard to say that due to the vomit induced by this article). Some are genuinely kind people with full, rich personalities who take responsibility for where they finish in life.  Others are two-dimensional assholes who believe their niceness gives them a certain right to women. There are two major conflicts I have with the offending article.  The first is the concept that nice guys deserve anything–as if just being polite entitles youRead More

I’ve been in my share of long-term relationships, short-term relationships, and FWB situations. Now, if you’re anything like me (and hopefully you are in this respect), you’re only trying to marry one lady ever. Accordingly, all of the other relationships with women in your life will end in a breakup. And while breaking up can suck, it’s definitely necessary, if the girl you’re with isn’t wifey material. So, here are ten signs that you need to ditch the bitch and find a better girl for you. After all, you haveRead More