Things Women Do That Piss Men Off

Consider this a rebuttal to Shannon’s piece, or consider this an incomplete guide to ALL the things women do that piss us off. As you may have expected, this list of female annoyances is longer than its male counterpart, for obvious reasons: women are amongst the most annoying creatures to ever inhabit this planet. Yeah, we can’t live without them…but sometimes we really wish we could. Here are some common things chicks do that drive dudes up the freakin’ walls.

Reading WAY too much into things we don’t give any thought to…like brief text messages:

Women have the tendency to make mountains out of molehills with regularity. If a man sends you a text that just reads “ok,” he’s most likely agreeing with you, not trying to be all passive-aggressive with you. No, that type of bitchy passive-aggression is a uniquely female trait, as we will cover later. If I send a text that says “ok,” maybe I’m busy or focused and don’t have time for a complete response. If I don’t text you back for a period of time, maybe I’m working on something more pressing than your text. Maybe I’m taking a shit and playing QuizUp against some thirteen year-old boy from Wales. Maybe I’m reading ESPN on my phone and don’t want to lose my spot in the article. In any case, RELAX, women. If a dude gives two shits about you, he’ll eventually respond to your text, or follow up an “ok” with a more verbose response if you don’t write back. Men DO, in fact, have feelings too…and if we care about you – as a friend, lover, fuck-buddy or otherwise – we’ll eventually want to communicate with you. Just wait until we’re done doing our manly things…even if those include pwning n00bs on Call of Duty instead of texting you back instantaneously.

Sorry, ladies. Sometimes this DOES take precedence over your text message.

Constantly bitching about all your female friends:

Lexi can be a real slut sometimes, and Kaylee is SO fucking fake. And don’t even get you started on Justine, she thinks she is like SO much hotter than she is. I mean just LOOK at her Instagram. Eww.

Yeah, we get it. Your friends can really suck sometimes. But we sincerely do NOT care. We are dating YOU and not your friends. And frankly, you putting down other girls to build yourself up all the time makes YOU seem insecure, which is not something we value in womankind. If you put half the time you spend into criticizing your friends into learning about football, we’d make sure to keep you around for the long haul.

Mean Girls was supposed to be a COMEDY, not an instruction manual.

Having fake friendships:

This might be even more annoying than the previous item on this list. Many girls LOVE to constantly insult and judge their “friends” whilst apart, but as soon as they see said friends on a Friday night, the resentment disappears, and it’s suddenly “ERMAHHHGERRDD JENNIFER I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!”

CUT THAT SHIT OUT, ladies. If you genuinely like your female friend, if you value her friendship, then act like it – behind her back and to her face. If you dislike a girl and think she’s a dirty, backstabbing whore, then act like it – call her a bitch and break off all ties.

Because, as men, we don’t get that shit. If we have a problem with somebody, we tell them. Then we either work it out and stay friends, or, we get in a fistfight, call each other a litany of homophobic slurs, and stop hanging out. It’s simple: be friends or don’t be friends.

This is NOT healthy, no matter what Bridesmaids says.

Constantly keeping up with parts of our social media we didn’t know existed:

Whether it’s stalking your man’s high school exes on Facebook via photos he had forgotten about, monitoring what he “likes” on Instagram, or checking his Snapchat favorites, women have all sorts of ways to check on who men have been communicating with – mostly on parts of social media that dudes are oblivious to. If it wasn’t for women, I doubt I would know the true purpose of Instagram’s heart-shaped navigation button to this day.

But for Christ sake ladies, is this really necessary? If you’re creepin’ on your boyfriend, try having some trust instead. I promise you, just because he’s liking Megan Retzlaff’s bikini photos on Instagram, does NOT mean he’s leaving you. If you’re creepin’ on a guy you have a crush on, you should find something better to do with your time than stress over who is in his top 3 in Snapchat. Instead of spending your time online stalking the poor guy, spend your time trying to impress him.

No, it wasn’t an accident. Find a better use of your time.

Being insecure:

Ladies, do you find yourself attracted to men who are constantly bitching about their looks, fitness, and penis size? I’m guessing not. Well, men feel the same way about you. We do NOT want to hear how ugly you think you are. We do NOT want to hear how fat you think you are. We do NOT want to hear about how you wish your boobs were bigger. If we’re spending time with you in the first place, you’re obviously doing something right and can’t be THAT hideous. While fishing for (and receiving) compliments might help you feel reassured that we’re into you, you’re doing more harm than good. As men, we want girls that KNOW they are smokin’ hot. We want girls who have big egos. We want girls that make us feel lucky to be talking to them. You know, we want our girls just like you want your men.

STOP THIS.

Expecting us to enjoy dancing:

I’m pretty sure I’m in the same boat as at least 60% of dudes here: I can’t dance for shit. I’m white, I don’t like club music, I was never on a middle school or high school dance team, and I sure as HELL don’t spend one second of my free time watching Miley’s YouTube vids on how to do the fucking “Wop.”

I like girls. I like touching girls. I cannot stand dancing. I know you ladies love to dance. Us men, we do not. Some of us might love it when you grind against our crotch as we stand in place or move awkwardly, side-to-side, with the latest Kanye beat. Some of us do not – I much prefer leaving the bump n’ grind for the bedroom, and spending my time in the club at a booth, throwing back a few IPAs or whiskey-gingers and talking to other humans. But whatever specific dudes prefer, you can usually guarantee this: men do not share your enthusiasm for dancing. Instead of losing your dignity doing your latest twerk moves, spend your time TALKING to the men you’re interested in…they’ll appreciate this much more than forcing their two left feet onto the dance floor.

Real talk: This guy has better moves than half of my friends.

BEING SO FUCKING PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE ALL THE TIME:

THIS is, by far, the most annoying thing that women do. Men, we sort out our problems. We confront people who piss us off. We try to fix shitty situations.

Women do not. Women prefer to let things stew for hours on end while you try to figure out what the hell you did wrong. Women prefer to write notes, send mean text messages, and unfriend you on Facebook. Women prefer to lock themselves in the bathroom and give you the silent treatment. Women prefer to pack their suitcases and take their shit out of drawers as a message. Women prefer to use mutual friends to pass their messages to you. Women prefer to do EVERYTHING in the most awful, passive-aggressive ways when they are pissed off.

So hear me out girls: while you may think being all PA and giving a man the silent treatment will teach him his lesson, you’re really just being incredibly immature. Children play the silent game. Real adults vocalize their problems. It’s been proven to be healthier, more effective, and certainly, better received by your male counterparts. A girl becomes a woman when she drops the passive-aggressive crap and takes control of a situation.

Stop the passive-aggression, girls. It doesn’t look good on you.

So there you have it, some of the most irritating female habits, from a male perspective. But keep in mind, we’re just scratching the surface here. You girls all know the things you do that get on our nerves. I know old habits die hard, but if you can try to cut some of this stuff out, I guarantee the men in your life will breathe just a little easier around you.

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