life Tag

My first and only time as a figure model prompted a disapproving, “You’re better than this,” text from my mother with a warning about ruining my reputation.  But it was much classier than that.  It was life modeling.  I was Rose and they were my Jacks, all 7 of them, drawing me like their French girls.     I dropped my towel on the small stage and it  was like a public humiliation dream come true, except I wasn’t embarrassed.  I only got embarrassed when I thought about what wouldRead More

I’ve been in my share of long-term relationships, short-term relationships, and FWB situations. Now, if you’re anything like me (and hopefully you are in this respect), you’re only trying to marry one lady ever. Accordingly, all of the other relationships with women in your life will end in a breakup. And while breaking up can suck, it’s definitely necessary, if the girl you’re with isn’t wifey material. So, here are ten signs that you need to ditch the bitch and find a better girl for you. After all, you haveRead More

I don’t know what time it is.  I refuse to look because it makes being awake worse. I’m caught in this buzzed state, wanting to be quiet, mind and body, wanting to be accepting and still and lie next to you, strewn diagonal amongst the chaos of covers and unsteadily tucked sheets.  I know it has been hours.  I’m too sensitive of time and my perception of it surreptitiously slips in as I wake before alarms. I’m angry.  I’m angry you revealed moments before sleep that you’re looking for jobsRead More

Hello my name is Shannon. Professionals tell me that I suffer from both generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I used to be pretty pissed off about that, until I realized that, “you have a mental illness” is actually code for, “the universe is turning your life into a comedy.” Here’s what that comedy consists of:   Panic Attacks: I like to think the way I gulp air and struggle to breathe while I’m experiencing a panic attack is somehow cute and endearing. In my mind, I look like I’m practicingRead More

Girl Code:  An unofficial set of guidelines that all girls are encouraged to follow unless they want their weave pulled out. It’s a tough world out there, ladies.  We need to stick together. Gentlemen, you can go.  Girls, let’s break it down. The 10 Commandments All Girls Should Follow 1.  Thou shalt not covet a dude who has a girlfriend.  Respect.  It doesn’t matter if the dude looks like George Clooney.  If he’s taken, back off.  It’s not going to happen.  And if it does happen, you just joined forces with a cheater who,Read More

It’s halfway through July and summer love is in the air. In honor of love, here are the top 5 most romantic movie scenes…   Final Scene – When Harry Met Sally This is arguably the most beloved RomCom of all time, thanks to a smart, hilarious script by the lovely late Nora Ephron. It’s a classic. Most people are familiar with the orgasm scene (which is fantastic) but the last scene is truly one of the most rewarding endings to any film ever made. Billy Crystal is perfect, making bitter andRead More

Let me start off by saying this: not all girls are the same.  There are those that do actually mature faster than everyone else like the science textbooks say, and those girls see that nice guys are actually way better than the alternative.  There are those that break the rules and don’t just go for drama and seek attention.  But they are not the norm, sadly. From what I’ve experienced, the majority of girls aged 15-25 prefer to be with a guy that will treat them like crap, cheat onRead More

-The window seat thief – This not so stealth individual will typically pretend to be sleeping, or reading, or have their headphones in, basically anything to keep them from making eye contact. OR, they keep guiltily looking up to see if anyone realizes. Either way, they’ll always play dumb and keep squinting at their boarding pass as if they’re reading some kind of encrypted text, because they’d rather look clueless than admit they’re actually just an asshole. I’m sure some of you readers are thinking maybe the alleged thief reallyRead More

1. You can’t go out just the two of you Not because you don’t have fun together, you do. That’s why you’re friends, duh. But if just the two of you go out, you know she will get scooped up by some model/personal trainer within 10 minutes of you arriving to the bar, and then you’re all alone, which is the prime place for you to get a very special rape/homicide combo. Either that, or you’ll have to cab home alone, which sucks too.   2. They probably have awesome clothes,Read More

It’s already been established that the best time to be a kid ever in the history of the universe was the 90’s. Many awesome factors contributed to this, but none quite as sugary as some of the epic treats. Let’s take a moment to remember the deliciousness and be grateful that nobody really cared about whether or not anything was organic back then.   Mondo/Squeezeits It’s hard to say what was more awesome about the Mondo/Squeezeit drinking experience. The cool plastic bottles with the twist-off caps or the fact that youRead More

Relationships succeed when each party gives their all, so if you want to be treated like royalty, start treating your partner the same way. It’s the golden rule, essentially. “Treat Others The Way You Wish To Be Treated.” If you stop treating your relationship in terms of what YOU want and what YOU’RE getting, and instead give everything to make your partner happy, chances are (if you’ve got a good one) they’ll do the exact same thing for you.   As you read through this list, it won’t seem likeRead More

Fed up with waking up and still not being Beyoncé? Well here we present to you 8 tracks that will get you a little closer. Sometimes we all need a little pick-me-up and one of the best ways to do that is to play any one of the tracks, listed below,to give you that little boost and a spring back in your step. It’s the kind of music that will leave you feeling like you can take on the world, you’ll feel empowered and so uplifted that you can take onRead More

Since I was a child, one of the most important life matters to me has been traveling the world. I am lucky enough to have lived and taught abroad, and although the list of countries I want to visit is longer than the list of countries I have been, I have learned much from street food consumption, peeing in holes in the ground, and sleeping in hostels with kittens, mosquitos, and Austrian men.  The following lessons may be clouded by my personal experiences, but they are an assemblage of advice thatRead More

My fiancée would argue that I am extremely resistant to trying new things, and for the most part, she’s completely correct. I usually live and die by the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” motto, especially when it comes to my diet. What makes it even worse is that my pickiness is at an extreme. With food, for example, I routinely feast on the following: cheese pizza, bean and rice burritos, macaroni and cheese, plain bagels, and other assortments of bread. I should be the size of a house,Read More

Dogs and cats are both awesome in their own ways, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t be the only one who fantasizes about owning some weird, unique pets. Here are 10 animals that would make fantastic pets.Get your exotic animal licenses ready!   #10 – Pygmy Marmoset Weighing just over 3 ounces and measuring about 5 inches tall, the pygmy marmoset is the world’s smallest monkey. Having a regular monkey would be pretty dope, but having one that fits in the palm of your hand? UNREAL COOL. Plus, youRead More