Miscellaneous Tag

If you’re like me, then you put on some serious “el-bees” between the months of November and January, respectively. The champagne was flowing, the sugar cookies were freshly sprinkled, every possible retelling of A Christmas Carol was playing around the clock, and then all of a sudden you realize that you’re looking a bit like a bowl full of jelly yourself. Hey, it happens, man. ‘Tis the season. If you’re also like me (once you came down from your sugar high), you realized that enough was enough and it wasRead More

The NYC rush hour commute is a test of patience, awareness, and morality; all of which, most commuters lack. That said, it is beyond my comprehension why anyone would think occupying city sidewalks as a human roadblock at this time is a good idea. And I’m not just referring to the thousands of city goers with no concept of their surroundings either. I mean those obnoxious, tactless, less-of-a-human individuals who have made it their purpose in life to stand between commuters and their destinations. Whether it’s a comedy show orRead More

A strange thing happened to me when I started working in marketing and advertising: I started to look at everything within the context of marketing and advertising. I wouldn’t say I’ve become obsessed with branding; it’s more like my eye for and appreciation of branding has bled from my work life into the rest of it, so that I can no longer discern the two. For the layman: a brand is a name or other feature that makes one product distinct from its competition. And a huge part of anyRead More

Record 12: Pomona, Friday, July 5th, 2013. Day. Kenny Yamaha and I had been standing outside the Fox Theater for two hours, waiting to be let in. Kenny thought the doors opened at 7, but that was fucking wrong. I told him this a few times and he just drank his coffee, like ‘whatever man, fucking chill about it.’ So I fucking chilled about it and didn’t bring it up. Even though it’s now 8, and dark, and we’re in Pomona. Pomona fucking California. Have you ever been to PomonaRead More

Unless you’re a trust-fund babe living in a coked-out fantasyland, you have a job.  According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 15.7 percent of us work in wholesale or retail trade.  In other words, 15.7 percent of the workforce doesn’t remember what a weekend feels like.  For some people, it’s the job they hope to have for years.  For the rest of us, it’s simply a job we work while keeping our eyes wide open for bigger and better possibilities.  While it seems like most of my friends have movedRead More

Record 11: Huntington Beach, Thursday, July 5th, 2012. Day. There is a merman that lives in Huntington Beach. This man is a certified swim instructor. He teaches young children and, occasionally, old men and women the backstroke. He teaches them how to tread water. He provides them with the necessary flotation devices, should they be required (note: flotation devices are not always required. This depends, of course, upon the trainee’s swimming proficiency). This man spends his free time at the beach, donning a golden spandex merman tail. He wears thisRead More

So I live with two random dudes. I don’t know them (it’s a long story) and before you ask, no I’m not sleeping with either of them. Usually it’s totally cool and living with guys is better in some ways than living with girls (a topic I will cover soon, coming to an article near you). Except. Except this morning when one of my roommates (I don’t know which one) took a full 40 minutes in the bathroom. 40! It made me a half hour late to work all becauseRead More

Illegal Asses on the Rise Females in the United States are taking Sir Mixalot too seriously. Due to a push from hip hop culture and peers, women are feeling more and more pressure to have large behinds. Often they turn to cosmetic surgery to enhance their buttocks. However, this procedure is quite costly, so females are turning to illegal and dangerous “underground” doctors to help them reach the perfect “Coca-cola shaped body.” Often the results are successful at first. But over time, their butts become saggy, bruised and painful. ThereRead More

The days of casual conversations have been traded in for abbreviated text conversations and Snap Chat exchanges. The “Hello, how are you?” has transitioned to “What’s up?”, and “That’s so funny” to “LOL.” Now these changes don’t just apply to everyday conversations, but rather every human interaction we have nowadays – including the sometimes uncomfortable elevator rides. Now there are probably a few things that people should consider when riding in elevators. For instance, don’t ever do anything personal in an elevator because there is always someone watching…always. Just lookRead More

I swoon over a british accent as much as the next girl, but these 3 Brits are extra special.  This article is going to be a bit more philosophical (bored millennial philosophical that is…) about 3 Brits who are talented and famous – I didn’t know such a thing could exist! They had their cake… and they are eating it too. And I would like to officially give them The Bored Millennial American Citizenship Certificate and/or adopt them to become my very own American adult children. So with that, belowRead More

Forward your therapy bills to Milton Bradley… Monopoly Anger Issues/Anxiety/Greed A ruthless quest for money, property, and power, Monopoly has a history of tearing family and friends apart. Irreparable damage has been done to relationships during games of Monopoly. Monopoly is most people’s first introduction to how greed can rot away the good in people. It’s a hard lesson to learn. That, along with the fact there are no get out of jail free cards in life. Speaking of life… LIFE Anger Issues/Fear of Failure/Severe Insecurity Nobody wants to loseRead More

Record 10: Eagle Rock, California, Thursday, July 5th, 2010. Day. The first time I came home, the lights were still on. The living room was desolate and cold, and that’s how I remembered it during the days when my father smoked and told me that sometimes cigarettes aren’t bad for you. “Do you have friends at school?” He’d ask me. I did, and I loved them since we kissed all the time on the monkey bars and on the swings that would break if you swung too high. I stillRead More

First off it’s Friday. So be happy like these happy, jumping lambs. There’s a whole 3 minute video of this if you want more. They are just SO EXCITED and I really can’t blame them. I know you’ve been waiting all week for WTF news. So here we go.     Boy Has Extra 232 Teeth Pulled A boy in India just went through a seven hour surgery to remove 232 teeth. He first came into the doctor with swelling in his right jaw. He was diagnosed with a veryRead More

I don’t mind being naked.  And I’m a fairly decent dancer.  I’ve graduated from college and now I’m just waiting for the world to realize how great I am!  In the meantime, it seems I am pretty well-equipped for a certain career. The first thing I’ll need to do is expand my stripper heel collection.  Like, I might actually have to buy a pair.  Only I’d like to work in the kind of place that would encourage the Spice Girls style shoe, more of a platform tennis shoe.  I’m wonderingRead More

When you grow up with a father who is an alcoholic, either recovering, recovered, or who currently has a problem, you learn a lot of things. In my case, my parents divorced when I was very young, and so many of these things I did not learn until later. I have always struggled because of this. When your father is an alcoholic, you learn that it’s weird that you come from a broken home. There is a special bond between a father and his daughter, and you learn quickly thatRead More