Humor Tag

Miss USA has come and gone, and the internet remains full of criticism and confusion about the world of pageantry. It’s forever tainted by Honey Boo Boo and Miss Teen South Carolina ’07. Women either love it or they hate it. Men either love it or they. . .love it. Most people don’t understand what draws women to compete. And I’m just over here eating ice cream and looking back on my glory days. No matter how you feel about the pageants, I promise they’ve got a lot to offer–MoreRead More

Some people go through life blissfully ignorant of all the horrible, disgusting germs that are literally everywhere. Other people carry the burden of constant fear, paranoia, and revulsion from living in a world contaminated by germs. These people are called Germaphobes. Germaphobes are faced with many challenges on a daily basis, as their phobia robs them of the joys that non-Germaphobes get to experience, such as…   Ball pits Ah, Ball pits. Ball pits are a childhood staple of seemingly innocent fun. Wrong! Ball pits are full of heinous germsRead More

It’s 2014 and everyone is trying to win the Internet.  Or perhaps more accurately, the Instagram.  We all know why Beyoncé has 12 million screaming followers, but why does that 18-year-old nobody have 25k followers while your fan-base is dropping by the day?  Well, there are two reasons.  1) That 18-year-old is hot and has established a brand in the fashion industry.  2) You’re probably doing something wrong. Due to the undiagnosed depression I suffered after finding out my so-called “friend” unfollowed me (stay away from Statigram), I now take this social medium a little too seriously.Read More

Now, before I make a complete ass out of myself, I’d like to take the time to apologize for what I’ve just written.  After too many beers and far too little common sense, my watching of the Miss America Pageant became much more than a planned Sunday of inactivity. With stupidity at an all time high, I felt the need to support the feminist movement in the wake of the controversy surrounding the newly crowned Miss America which was probably the dumbest thing I could have done. Nevertheless, I amRead More

Allyson came to visit Kelsey in good old SL,UT for a weekend of sisterly bonding and brawling,  this time sans bearded boyfriends that drive like 80 year old ladies.  What follows is a collaborative account between sisters.   We arrived in Salt Lake at the Howard Johnson Express Inn with low expectations. This was fortunate because our hotel looked like an abandoned building with resident roaches and rodents. The HJ was rough and good-enough, but nothing more if we were to be honest with ourselves. Our first room was streetRead More

2014 is the year to start thinking outside the box for your summer vacation. Consider some of these intriguing fictional destinations for a most memorable trip.   The Shire With beautiful scenery and legendary charm, the Shire is the perfect destination for those who enjoy a Bed and Breakfast type vibe. Or, I should say Bed and Second Breakfast. You can kick back with a pint and a pipe. Everyone is very friendly and knows how to party. Though, you may find accommodations a little, um, cramped.   King’s LandingRead More

I realize this title is misleading and before you ask, no, I did not get a boob job. I did, however, go on birth control which made me go up a cup size (estrogen, TURN UP). Going from not really having boobs to having a respectable amount of boobage is a weird transition to go through overnight (okay, over the course of a month or so). Here are some struggles I’ve faced and continue to face now that my boobs are considerably larger.   Struggles of Big Boobs 1. SleepingRead More

A Self-Help Essay By Dotty Getting robbed is a scary thing and your first reaction is to comply with everything your assailant is demanding. I believe all of us who have been a victim of robbery in a foreign country can relate. In the moments afterward you feel helpless, victimized, and are discouraged by thoughts of having to continue. I vowed from that day forward, if I was ever robbed again, I would be in-control of the situation. Therefore, after months of research, I came up with a method thatRead More

In honor of New York’s first shot at the Stanley Cup since ’94 and my good old Brooklyn roots, I’ve spent the majority of my weeknights this playoff season plopped in front of three or four unnecessarily large televisions at the bar across the street from my apartment (I don’t get NBC). My Ranger-fan friends believe strongly in ju-ju (urban dictionary: Gypsy word for luck). In other words, they believe in watching the game where you watched the last win (and will make you stay in the kitchen if theyRead More

The 2014 World Cup will kick off in Brazil within the next few weeks, and if futbol isn’t really your thing, perhaps I can interest you in eye candy galore. Beware – this may be the most unattractive team the U.S.A. has ever brought to the World Cup, but there is no need to fear, 31 other countries will be bringing the heat as well.   1. Tim Howard I’m in love with Tim Howard. Yes, he plays keeper and is therefore an automatic leader on the team – super cool.Read More

…Or, well at the least the first 14 years of it…or is it technically 15?  No matter.  I have painstakingly rummaged through the Oscar Wikipedia page to arbitrarily rank the Top Ten Movies of the 21st Century however the fudge I want!  So if you disagree.  Die in a fire.  I hate you.  🙂 Now without further delay.  Drum-roll please…   10) Argo I went to this puppy the day it came out.  Premiere tickets were sure to get me some action, I thought. But alas, the only action IRead More

Growing up in the ’90s, it was hard to deny the magic of the Spice Girls.  They taught us about girl power, friendship, platform sneakers, and they made a movie worthy of significant fame and praise that is still played at sleepovers today.  Some of us were even exposed to our first ever tanned male ass via assless silky tuxedo pants in that very film. It was natural for us to emulate such role models on the playground.  Every girl had a Spice Girl she identified with (and if youRead More

As I walked into lecture today, to my surprise, I noticed that my professor, who is regarded so highly in the world of academia, decided to use Comic Sans on the lecture slides. Believe me, it took every ounce of self-control within me to not walk right out then and there. Professor, I respect you immensely as an intellect, and you are far more learned that I may ever be. However, let me tell you exactly why I can’t take you seriously with Comic Sans: Some may say Comic SansRead More

There exists in this world great literature. In this same world, there also exists Reality TV. Here’s what would happen if the two were combined… Jay Gatsby of The Great Gatsby: The Bachelor Chris Harrison is so Nick Carraway. Picture their Pre-Rose Ceremony sit downs. Chris Harrison: “So Jay, how do you feel about Ashlee telling you that she is falling in love with you?” Gatsby: “Well, old sport, I just really hope my ex Daisy is watching this.” Gatsby would take those cocktail parties to the next level. He’s soRead More

With this year’s college graduations in full swing, there are now thousands of kids joining the work force across the country. For many, this will be their first real, career-oriented job ever. Of course, times are still rough. This is not a surprise and has been covered in almost every publication for the past few years. I graduated in 2011 and times were rough then too. It can take months to find a job these days. There are thousands of companies looking for “entry-level” jobs that need years of experience.Read More