Humor Tag

To get the full effect of this post please listen to this song while reading. “The subway breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong in the broken places.” -Ernest Hemingway/Rachel Harrison. Taking public transit is a struggle. Despite the perks of never having to worry about gas or car payments and insurance, the subway tests humans in unspeakable ways.   Stranger Danger Being trapped in an enclosed space with hundreds of complete strangers daily is not ideal to say the least. More often than not these strangers possess alternative views onRead More

1. Are crotchless panties still considered sexy if it’s due to wear n tear? 2. Are we human or are we dancer? 3. Why does diet coke make me feel more human? 4. Is it pathetic, weird, or thrifty to buy some of your bras from the little girl’s section as an adult? 5. Why is puberty part of God’s plan for us? 6. How often does the President have sex? 7. Which President was the most sexually active? (Clinton joke lurking here.) 8. What was the last thing youRead More

So before I published “5 Things About Which I Refuse to Believe the Hype” on Writtalin, I actually submitted it to Thought Catalog first. I waited about 15 minutes and since they didn’t respond right away I figured they rejected it, and since I’m impatient af, I put it up on Writtalin instead. Not that Writtalin is my second choice or anything because Writtalin is the essence of my being and I owe my life to Writtalin and please don’t fire me #TYBG. Anyway apparently some bitch was REALLY offendedRead More

Sometimes it’s the type of underwear or just the shape of your darling butt.  Other times it’s because of certain movements or a school bully.  Whatever the cause, most of us can agree that a wedgie is an uncomfortable and awkward secret lurking in our pants, and it needs to go away.  You have to pick it.  You can’t spend another second with your underwear swallowed by your ass.  Here are some tips for public excavation:   1. Coat Pockets These are ideal for frontal wedgies.  With your coat buttonedRead More

If you would have asked me ten years ago if I would have done most of my socializing online, I would have given you an emphatic no (and probably would have thrown the nearest drink in your face).  While everyone was busy glitzing up their MySpace profiles, I wagged my finger in the background swearing that social media would never take off.  Well, you can’t be right about everything.  There’s no getting around it, our lives today are inexorably tied to a little social network that you may have heard of. Read More

I have a curiosity for new experiences and adventures, an originality quest that lately has caused me to be reckless with my intentions and sloppy with my boundaries. The careful deliberateness I had cultivated evaporated somewhere between devirginizing  a twenty-six year old and my eighteenth bacon wrapped hot dog in a month span. Here are some lessons I have been privy to lately that I have realized you are never too old to learn:   1.  Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. This statement encompasses a range ofRead More

I realize the purpose of yoga is to quiet the mind and soul, but I own one of those spider webbed minds of anxiety that lacks the dexterity to let thoughts be. Instead of focusing on my downward dog, my thoughts ping around like a pigeon stuck in a subway station. After climbing five flights of stairs in a maze like stack of slender corridors that inspire feelings of despair in never seeing daylight again, I arrived at a light-filled loft overlooking San Francisco. These are the thoughts loitering inRead More

I’ve honestly been thinking about writing this list for a while because I love rappers, and while most of my friends and probably a good chunk of the internet think I’m just some big groupie, I don’t want to hook up with every black guy with a mixtape or a Soundcloud profile, I swear! And in order to prove that to you, I’ve come up with a list of my top 5 rappers I’d love to kick it with in a totally platonic and not at all sexual way.  Read More

The internet is a wondrous place. You can literally find anything. Life as a young person is different from the life of any one else and I think these gifs establish that pretty clearly.   1. When you have to wake up before 10 am.   2. When you go to Starbucks at 10pm and it’s closed.   3. When you buy a new outfit from H&M and wear it out for the first time.   4. Pretty much.   5. After a long and tiring of day of doing nothing…butRead More

It’s hard out there for a chick. It’s never been a cakewalk for us females and despite girl power being at an all time high, the 21st century has introduced a slew of new problems.  We are now faced with difficulties such as… 8 – Attempting to do some DIY seen on Pinterest and ending up with a mason jar full of glitter, a terrible burn from a hot glue gun, and the worst tangle in the history of hair. Pinterest is the birthplace of disappointment, frustration, and injury. 7Read More

There’s no way Taylor Swift’s song doesn’t apply to you anymore. I don’t know about you, but I’m not feeling 23. Student loans are due, so you decided to opt for the Income Based Payment system. Your income is $0. You can’t be 23. You still go back to your college town twice a month because it was the greatest place of your life and you’re texting and driving along the way, you don’t know why you’re doing it, but you’re doing it AND YOU CAN’T BE 23 YET. ThenRead More

When it comes to your favorite musical artist, or I guess just any celebrity in general, there’s a fine line between being a fan and being a Stan. Between fandom and Standom, between fanaticism and Stan-aticism, between…you get the idea. In case you don’t know what a Stan is, I will kindly direct you to this Eminem song: Um, so yeah. I am kind of a Stan for one music artist in particular. Although I’m not gonna tell you who it is so as to protect my integrity, I willRead More

“One can’t. But Toucan.”   “Suga’ suga’ how you get so fly?”   “Damn girl, you SO Foxy”     “Hold still, I’m gonna give you Macaque”   “Gurl gimme that Octopussy”   “I wanna hump you so bad right now.”   “You make me SO horny!”  Read More

I’ve recently found myself, for lack of a better hashtag…#singleasfuck. Not only that but hey, I’m a girl so I have to deal with hormones, PMS and all that fun stuff. The only guy who calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa. Just kidding, I don’t have a house phone. Anyways, drunk grocery shopping led me to find the ultimate lover: a pack of Double Stuffed Oreos. Why are they better than a man you might ask? Well girls, listen up! 1. Oreos NEVER disappoint Oreo after Oreo IRead More

Well, Class of 2014, it’s that time. Only a few more weeks and you’ll be taking selfies in your cap and gown, preparing for post-grad madness, and ignoring all of the shitty speakers at your college graduation. You’ve probably already reached the point at which all of the adults in your life transform into total a-holes, repeatedly asking you about your future plans (Who f*cking knows. You’re graduating–Isn’t that good enough?!) and I’m sure you’ve already read 10 different lists suggesting 100s of things you need to do in orderRead More